Become a member of Allies in Recovery and we’ll teach you how to intervene, communicate and guide your loved one toward treatment.Become a member of Allies in Recovery today.

Who Should Pay for Sober Housing?

AiR, Allies in Recovery, Dominique Simon-Levine, dominique simon levine, addiction, recovery, intervention, alochol, opiates, opiods, sober housing, sober living,

One of our Allies in Recovery members wrote in, very concerned about how her son’s aftercare is supported and followed up. He has been allowed into sober housing on condition that: he report to a sheriff’s office 2 -3x/week, follow through with probation and also attend another program. She wonders how he will find employment while meeting these requirements and yet he also needs to start paying his rent.

Above all, she worries that for someone in early sobriety, this may be too much to handle.

This post recently appeared on the Allies in Recovery member site. It will give you a taste of the many resources we make available to our members, and how they will help you help your loved one. 

Allies in Recovery, Allies in Recovery, Dominique Simon-Levine, dominique simon levine, addiction, recovery, intervention, alochol, opiates, opiods, sober housing, sober living,  

Dominique Simon-Levine responds to this mother’s concerns below.

Your comment underscores the problems that people in early recovery frequently have in trying to get their life back on track. So much damage is done in active addiction. It’s uncanny how often things fall apart even more in early sobriety. I have known so many people who get sober only to be socked by the loss of an apartment, a relationship, a job, a source of income, or debt collectors. Somehow, when they were actively using, the problems were kept more at bay. It all seems to come crashing down at once. This precisely when the loved one is vulnerable and raw, with a very small arsenal of coping skills.

In answer to your question, treatment is underfunded and limited to a narrow definition of substance abuse treatment. Treatment doesn’t see its role as helping the newly sober person to manage financially. They rarely ask the question, “So where is the job?” … “How is this person going to pay for the sober house?” … “How is this person going to get to their appointments?” They certainly don’t see their role as providing inpatient treatment until such time as the person is financially stable.

As you have learned, solutions to these questions frequently fall back on the family.

Aftercare planning has improved greatly across the treatment system.

Programs have put in place regular phone calls with discharged clients, phone counseling, follow-up groups and more. But the problems of job training and securing work, transportation and childcare remain huge concerns for those trying to get back on their feet. When hit in the face with these problems, the job of staying clean and sober can be extra daunting.

Good sober housing, in my mind, works with residents to find work, and doesn’t charge them for living expenses until they can pay. Families may still need to help for a month or two, but ideally that stops. The sober house ideally will have helped the new resident get plugged in to work and transport.

Time for some rewards

I am thrilled to hear your son has 3 months. The system has colluded to help with this. From your comment it sounds like criminal justice is involved and the public treatment system in Massachusetts provided solid treatment.

Each step back into the community is going to be a time of more insecurity for the person in very early recovery and for the family, there is no denying it. Financial problems are the norm and many posts on our member site address the role families can or should play financially and in terms of housing. (Become a member of Allies in Recovery to read all our posts on sober housing/sober living.)

There isn’t much else you can do. Take him for an inexpensive meal and tell him you’re proud of him. Stop by the sober house with some groceries. Perhaps take him for a ride in the country on a sunny day. Find ways to reward this huge risk he is taking in living life sober. (For more explanation on using rewards with a loved one, see this excerpt from our eLearning program)

We need a system that defines recovery from addiction as more than the biological or the psychological. Furthermore, we need a system that appreciates the need for good work and financial stability, passionate pursuits, and healthy living and community.

We will be rooting for your son.

A membership at Allies in Recovery brings you into contact with experts in the fields of recovery and treatment for drug and alcohol issues. Our learning platform introduces you to CRAFT and guides you through the best techniques for unblocking the situation. Together we will move your loved one towards recovery. Learn more here.

Have a family member with a substance use disorder?

Become a member of Allies in Recovery and we’ll teach you how to intervene, communicate and guide your loved one toward treatment.

Related Posts from "Discussion Blog"

What Do We Have to Look Forward To?

Supporting a Loved one with SUD means different things to different people. Meggie, for example, comes from a family that’s confronted the disorder through “tough love”—leaving the Loved One to deal with their addiction entirely alone. This never felt right to Meggie, who wanted to fight alongside her husband for his recovery. When she discovered CRAFT, she soon realized it was designed to help her do just that. Nonetheless, thoughts of the future still leave her anxious. What if he’s in and out of jail for a long time to come? Isabel Cooney reminds us that so much depends on what we tell ourselves about both the present and the possible future.

Straight to Treatment After Jail? Do I Stick to My Guns?

Sometimes we can see the likely future: our Loved One returns to the shelter of home, hides away in their room, and simply doesn’t get the treatment they need to make progress with their SUD. Allies’ member HelenBo doesn’t want to see that happen with her son, who is struggling with heroin and other substances. What other housing options will he have upon release? As Laurie MacDougall writes, there are often more than we realize. At the same time, such transitions are critical moments for our Loved Ones. Having a list of specific housing and treatment options at hand—along with the CRAFT skills to communicate about them effectively—can make all the difference.

Cutting Him Off Entirely Isn’t the Answer—Is It?

We’ve all heard the argument: cut the cord. Let them sink to rock bottom. They’ve made their bed; now they have to lie in it. Recently, Allies member erinlewis was offered this sort of advice concerning her teenage son. Data and experience have shown that such an approach is usually the wrong one for our Loved Ones—but maintaining a connection doesn’t mean that anything goes. Laurie MacDougall walks us through a CRAFT-informed approach to self-care, boundaries, and the balancing act of connection and accountability.

When Stepping Back Is the Best Help You Can Give

No one wants a Loved One to suffer. No one wants a Loved One to relapse. But in our worry about such possibilities, we can stumble into behaviors that stand in the way of change—behaviors that make problematic substance use easier for our Loved Ones than it otherwise would be. Fortunately, CRAFT can help us learn to offer support within our chosen boundaries: the kind of support that truly encourages progress.

About This Whole “Engage When They’re Not Using” Business…

If you’ve worked your way through Allies’ eLearning Modules, you’re already familiar with the concept: when our Loved One (LO) is using, we remove rewards and allow for natural consequences. When they’re not using, we reward them right away. But as member BRIGHTSIDE has been finding, the real-life timing can be a challenge. Laurie MacDougall reviews the fundamentals of this process, and shares ideas for getting creative when the lines seem blurred.

What Is Our Role? Underlying Feelings and Beliefs We Have About Our Loved Ones

Like many of us who have Loved Ones struggling with SUD, Allies member Binnie knows that trust is a delicate matter. Can we trust our Loved Ones to take care of themselves? Do we believe they have the capacity? Or do we think they’re so damaged that they can’t function without our stepping in? Isabel Cooney reflects on how trust is explored in a recent Allies podcast, and offers her own insightful take on this vital subject.

Evidence From Oregon: Decriminalizing Drugs Can’t Solve Every Problem, but It’s an Important Step All the Same

Oregon has just rescinded Measure 110, the historic law that decriminalized possession of small amounts of hard drugs. But the reasoning behind the rollback is muddled. As guest author Christina Dent reveals, M110 took the blame for spikes in lethal overdoses, homelessness, and public drug use, none of which it likely caused. Rather, she argues that the law represented a small but important step forward. In the effort to end the drug crisis, its repeal is a loss.

Getting the Most Out of This Site

Personal trainers and the like are terrific—when they’re accessible. Unfortunately, individual counseling is still a rarity with CRAFT, despite its proven effectiveness. Allies in Recovery was created to bridge that gap. In this post, founder and CEO Dominique Simon-Levine outlines the many forms of training, education, and guidance that we offer on this website. We hope it helps you find the support you need.

What We Can and Can’t Control: It’s Good to Know the Difference

Erica2727 has a husband who’s working hard on his recovery, but his place of work concerns her. She would like him to consider various options, but isn’t sure about how to talk over such matters with him. Allies’ writer Laurie MacDougall offers a guide to a vital distinction: on the one hand, what we can and should seek to control; and on the other, what we cannot, and don’t need to burden ourselves with attempting.

How I Boiled Down CRAFT for My Teenage Kids

What can our children make of CRAFT? Allies’ writer Isabel Cooney has a powerful story to share—and some great thoughts for our community about opening a little window on the practice. As her experience suggests, CRAFT may have more to offer than a child or teen can truly take on. But young people may still benefit from an introduction to what the adults in their lives are trying to do.

Progress and Appreciation: A Letter From Holland

Danielle and her son have gone through a lot, individually and together. At Allies, we remember their years of struggle relating to his SUD. What joy, then, to receive this letter updating us on their situation. It’s the best news imaginable: Danielle’s son is clean and stable, and Danielle herself has widened the circle of support to others in need. Have a look at Danielle’s letter for yourself:

She Wants Another Round of Rehab. Should I Open My Wallet Yet Again?

Member Klmaiuri’s daughter struggles with alcohol and cocaine use. She’s also been through rehab seven times. The cycle—use, treatment, partial recovery, return to use—can feel like a cycle that never ends. Is there a way to be supportive while put a (loving) wrench in the gears? Allies’ writer Laurie MacDougall says absolutely yes. But it takes a commitment to learning new skills, trying a new approach, and lots of practice.

“Get Me Out of Here!” Navigating Your Loved One’s Desire to Quit Treatment

This Discussion Blog post is a little different: a response to member Nohp’s question by way of a recent episode on our Coming Up For Air podcast. Nohp’s husband has struggled with alcohol for over a decade. Recently, when faced with the possibility of divorce, he entered a 30-day residential treatment program—and he doesn’t care for it much. After two weeks, he wants out. Nohp understands some of his concerns, but worries that he will start drinking again if he leaves. Our Allies podcast team has a message for her: Discomfort does not mean treatment is a mistake. Allies writer Isabel Cooney elaborates.