Discussion Blog
Latest Discussion Blog Post
What Is Our Role? Underlying Feelings and Beliefs We Have About Our Loved Ones
Like many of us who have Loved Ones struggling with SUD, Allies member Binnie knows that trust is a delicate matter. Can we trust our Loved Ones to take care of themselves? Do we believe they have the capacity? Or do we think they’re so damaged that they can’t function without our stepping in? Isabel Cooney reflects on how trust is explored in a recent Allies podcast, and offers her own insightful take on this vital subject.
Discussion Blog Posts
Her Relapse Felt Like a Slap in the Face
Millicent is concerned about her daughter being unable to stay away from her heroin-using boyfriend. Meanwhile, Dad is planning to visit their daughter at the inpatient facility where she just began treatment. Dominique Simon-Levine provides some guidelines for the talk he is planning to have.
What If He Has to Detox in Jail?
Methadone can take three to four weeks to shake off both the physical detoxification and the lingering effects of the detoxification, like depression and insomnia. Being dropped from a high dose of methadone, without a careful taper, is frankly inhumane, yet this is what happens to many who land in jail.
He’s Begging to Come Home
As hard as this sounds, I am going to tell you that you are in a good place! Your son is safe, the system is helping to step him down to the next level of care. Let things evolve. This is what you would be trying to get him to do if he came home. You would be trying to get him to leave and go live in a sober house.
I Saw Her Phone Log and She’s Back in Touch with her Ex
It’s hard to know where to stand relative to a Loved One in the instability of early recovery. She’s got to make her mistakes. You've got to keep your distance enough to let her, but also gauge “how she’s doing” and her drug use.
Don’t Tell Me to Detach!
There is a hopeless, sinking feeling that comes with well meaning, yet unsolicited, advice when you have a loved one on a roller coaster of addiction. Often suggestions such as “Let them hit rock bottom” and “Don’t enable, give tough love, just put him/her out,” are easier said than done…
The Fretting is Almost Comforting
As one's Loved One progresses through their recovery (all good, of course), one's thinking can be prompted to return to some of the memories of their active use. Just human nature I guess (…..) One wonders if they may not be getting too complacent, maybe thinking that they "are over it", letting their guard down so to speak.
He’s Home and Stays in His Man Cave All Day
One would hope that the structure and activities of an inpatient facility would rub off on your son after 45 days, and it has. He is going to meetings and is taking medication. How much change can someone expect to see after a month and a half?
He’s On Methadone & Constipated…
Methadone, like all opiates, can be terribly constipating. We are not familiar with all the outcomes possible with acupuncture, but if it did relieve your son’s constipation this would certainly be an important finding for him…
Nature Teaches Us to Give & Receive Support
I believe the epidemic of addiction that our nation is experiencing is awakening us to our need to support one another, and thankfully support groups are becoming more available. I strongly encourage everyone to research and find one that is a fit for you, online or in person. We need all of it!
Level 10 Stress – Sound Familiar?
The long-term stress I experienced caused me to become very forgetful, hasty in my decisions, confused and socially awkward. Even more than usual! I also noticed that during that time of my life I became very clumsy. At the time, it became obvious to me that I was heading for a crash if I didn’t get ahead of my stress. I knew I had to develop different responses for the ambush, crazy-making moments of chaos. There are solutions.
He’s In Treatment: It’s Your Cue to Step Back
There’s a lot of starting and stopping in early sobriety. This can unfortunately last some time. It’s going to take patience and trust in the process for you to disengage when you see your son faltering in his efforts at sobriety. Starting and stopping is how we learn just how immense the problem of addiction is, that the little promises we make to ourselves are simply not enough.
Hope Deferred Makes the Heart Sick
Through recovery work I have learned to stop expecting people to be different and to reduce the frustration that comes from trying to cause a person to get better, or trying to mold them into how I think they should be (even if it’s reasonable). When I put these demands and expectations down, I can love people for who they actually are.
I’m Sober So Why Isn’t My Son?
It took me years to realize there is more than one way to overcome addiction. Your son can find his way. You can help him to find his way by following the principles we lay out in the learning modules on this site.
Suboxone vs. Section 35 – What Do I Do About My Son?
Your son says he is willing to try a treatment. Pulling out of opiate addiction will likely be a process. It is the rare person who goes from regular use to complete abstinence in one step. It may take several treatment episodes to gain some traction with recovery and this will take some time.
What I Learned From Isabel’s Story
Things are not always as they appear. The pendulum of that truth can swing good or bad. Someone who appears aloof, rude, detached, even unlikeable may actually have a big, mushy heart of gold and a lifetime of treasured memories just beneath the surface. Everyone deserves a chance to be understood, listened to and cared about.
You Oughta Be Ashamed of Yourself!
Walking in shame, I don’t find my way to light, hope, peace or accomplishment. Rather, I find my way to downtrodden darkness, more mistakes, failures and worthlessness. I don’t need anyone to remind me of my deficiencies or failures, I have my own internal narrator, quick to remind me.
How AiR Can Help You to Shift the Balance
This site provides videos that teach the CRAFT approach. Interspersed with the videos are worksheets we call Key Observations. The information you fill into these worksheets is the key data about your situation. Here is where I suggest you focus. This information will help you to shift your behavior. Your shifting your behavior will help her to shift hers.
Who Should Pay for Sober Housing?
Treatment doesn’t see its role as helping the newly sober person to manage financially. They rarely ask the question, “So where is the job?” … “How is this person going to pay for the sober house?” … “How is this person going to get to their appointments?” They certainly don’t see their role as providing inpatient treatment until such time as the person is financially stable.
He Won’t Get Out of Bed
Your brother is trying to stay sober but is so depressed he won’t get out of bed. I would treat this as a psychiatric emergency. I suggest you start by calling crisis in your area.
Why Won’t She Fight Fair?
She would call me “UnChristian,” reminding me that “God sees exactly” how I am. For years this was my private horror story that I shared with very few. That is, until I chose to step out of the pathology of dysfunction and depart from our norm. I began to find my way forward when my son fell into the same plight of prescribed addiction after an injury.