Discussion Blog
Latest Discussion Blog Post
She Quit Treatment and Left. Should I Even Try To Stay In Touch?
Dave5656 is wondering if whether now is the time to let go. His daughter has stopped participating in treatment. She’s also moved back in with a boyfriend who uses drugs. Should he step back and let the chips fall where they may? Or should he break the silence and let her know she’s still loved? Allies writer Laurie MacDougall offers a clear and solid answer to this question.
Discussion Blog Posts
He Got Drunk and Set Fire to His Bedroom
The primary goal is to get your brother out of the house. Focus on this. As you have pointed out, there are risks to your parents’ safety as long as your brother continues to be active in their house.
Fast Forward to February
Charismatic and inspiring author Annie Highwater graces Allies in Recovery's Discussion Blog with this new piece on Getting Through the Holiday Season with an Absent Child. Mother of a son in recovery from an addiction to opiate painkillers, she writes: "William Shakespeare said 'Expectation is the root of all heartache,' and I would have to agree, my heart often throbs with the disappointment of holiday expectations…."
My Daughter is Back
The AiR team has received the best gift we could hope for, in this holiday season: AiR member help4t, who has been very active on this site and this blog, has written in with uplifting news about her daughter.
Are Her Attempts at Sobriety a Means to Manipulate us?
Trying to tease apart genuine efforts at sobriety from those designed to get something from you can be maddening, partly because even your daughter couldn’t tease them apart if she tried.
It’s Time for Him to Go!
Asking your Loved One to leave your home is a hard decision. Your Loved One is not making any effort to curtail or stop the drug use. Allowing them to stay in your home while they continue to use drugs, in essence, has become an inadvertent support of their use.
He’s Gotten in Trouble but Still Won’t Admit There’s a Problem
When pressed, people with addiction issues 1) defend their right to drink or drug or 2) deny there is a problem. In short, they Defend or Deny. I can assure you, however, that somewhere in the recesses of their mind is a belief that a problem does exist. It may be intermittent and it may not take in the severity of the problem, but it’s there.
He’s Serious About School but Doesn’t Want to Stop Smoking Pot
It can be hard to grasp that marijuana, as a drug of abuse, has serious consequences, as your comment suggests. For your son it threatens his family relationship, his home, and support for his education. For you and your family it creates fear of more serious problems to come.
I Will Not Lie for Him or Make Up Excuses
My boundaries are in place to uphold my integrity and morals and values. Respectfully, I will not bend on them. He can be as loud and try to manipulate me as much as he wants but I will quietly not lose myself. If I did the disease would win.
Ibogaine & Baclofen – A Magic Pill for Addiction?
I would lump Ibogaine and Baclofen in with the FDA-approved drugs for MAT to make this overarching point: a drug alone is not enough to get and maintain a quality recovery. It’s a start – it's harm reduction.
What I Did to Get Better
"I would go to meetings saying to myself, "Don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry!" We hope you enjoy these nuggets from a conversation we recently had with an AiR mom. She openly shares her struggles and doubts, as well as the strategies that have worked for her.
Now They’re Stealing and Disappearing…
It is completely distressing when the progression of drug and alcohol use advances and terrible new behaviors emerge. Your Loved One stooped to a new low: stealing and disappearing. You are surprised and hurt and scared. Take the time you need to get a hold of yourself. Try not to take it personally.
You Are a Reward
You might be grumbling. You might be accusing, guilting or complaining. Or trying desperately to prevent them from going out. You might be brooding in a cold silence. This might be hard to believe, but your presence and your conversation, however negative, are something your Loved One counts on, and expects from you.
Should I Abstain Completely When My Loved One is Around?
The studies on CRAFT have confirmed it: changing how you communicate and respond modifies the immediate environment around your Loved One. You're creating an environment that is more conducive to getting them into treatment and stopping the use.
How Honest Should I Be?
70% of any relationship, whether alcohol and drugs are involved or not, is based on verbal communication. So being aware of how you communicate and improving communication where you can is a critical skill you need now and going forward.
Look Into Section 35 but Keep Learning CRAFT!
Section 35 may be a good option for mominlaw's son-in-law, because of his history of mental illness and alcohol and cocaine use. CRAFT remains an important element throughout the process…
My Loved One is Going to Taper off Methadone – What Should I Expect?
Withdrawal from methadone is long, so the period after 0mg can be uncomfortable for weeks, perhaps up to a month: low energy, joint pain, real trouble sleeping, flu symptoms, no appetite, what I call 'restless body' (where you can’t stay still without feeling a deep itch throughout your body).
He Comes Home Sober … How Do I Use Rewards?
The question now is when to use rewards, since your husband comes home from his cocaine binges sober. We would treat this period as the withdrawal period. Remember, no rewards just prior to use, during use, or during withdrawals.
How Hopeful is Your Hope?
Are you in the midst of the duel between hope and reality? What role do hope and faith play for a family dealing with a Loved One's addiction? This AiR member shares his thoughts on the 'true hope' and 'true faith' that he believes can make the difference.
10 Truths People with Substance Disorder Tell
In case you missed this piece in our WHAT’S NEWS feature, I thought I’d give you the bullet version. It is rare to read something comforting about our Loved Ones. I, for one, appreciated these insights.
I am Hitting Walls with the Treatment System
Finding treatment for a Loved One can indeed be infuriating, more an art than a science. There are two parts to the process…