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The Fretting is Almost Comforting

Man leaning on chest, disheartened


An AiR dad shares an update on his Loved One and muses about why he continues to fret despite his son's progress… You can read his previous posts here:

Lucas continues to progress in his recovery. He is now in graduate school at night, I believe one course at this time. His work folks are encouraging it, he got a raise and will get a performance bonus. All good.

So that leads me to what my mind has been focusing on for a bit. A sense of worry. Yes, I guess worry describes it, as the feeling can be a bit deeper than a healthy concern. It seems this addiction thing can increase, deepen, and maybe even add a sense of permanency to emotional feelings. Now, I mention this as an observation and not a complaint and with full understanding that 'time heals all wounds" and that with continued success comes a sense of trust and reassurance. But….. some thoughts on my experience…..

As one's Loved One progresses through their recovery (all good, of course), as I mentioned before, one's thinking can be prompted to return to some of the memories of their active use. Just human nature I guess, somewhat; you know, that old WASP mentality of "well, it is going so good now, what can happen."  What I mean though is, as our loved one progresses and active use gets further and further behind them, one wonders if they may not be getting too complacent, maybe thinking that they "are over it", letting their guard down so to speak. I have spoken with Lucas about this, he seems to understand. You know, there is a perverse comfort in worrying. Sort of a sense of, "If I am worrying about him, at least I am thinking of him" and it almost makes a connection with him in one's mind; such that the fretting is almost comforting. Whereas, if one does not think/worry about the Loved One, it is almost as if one has left them to fend for themselves (with an "I hope he can do this" mentality).

However, one thing I am certain of is this: In the long run, fretful worry is a waste of time, happiness, energy, good health and good blessings. Because, either way, sooner or later the benefits or pitfalls of our loved one's behavior will become manifest. As Yoda said: "It is either do, or not do. There is no, try."  So, we need to keep ourselves buoyed up, positive, grateful and hopeful (for them and us) and keep ourselves mentally peaked for whatever comes along. Ahh, the journey… interesting isn't it. Just a general observation: absent natural or man-made disasters, life is good (and meant to be) but, alas, many of us put impediments in our own way. I believe a strong faith, a clear direction and a positive attitude can all help. 



In your comments, please show respect for each other and do not give advice. Please consider that your choice of words has the power to reduce stigma and change opinions (ie, "person struggling with substance use" vs. "addict", "use" vs. "abuse"...)