Discussion Blog
Latest Discussion Blog Post
He’s Not Using, But He Still Depends on Me for Everything.
decostam’s 32-year-old son lives at home, and has succeeded in abstaining from opioid use for two years. Despite this huge accomplishment, he seems stuck in other aspects of his life. What should decostam ask of him at this stage? And just as importantly, how? Dominique Simon-Levine recommends a realistic, step-by-step approach to helping our Loved Ones move toward independence.
Discussion Blog Posts
He Mixed Cocaine & Opiates…Now He’s Newly Sober But Something’s Off
With the possible exception of methamphetamines, no drug surpasses cocaine in its high or its low. When the cocaine wears off, the world is bleak and dark and pointless. It takes time for the mind to recover from cocaine but it does recover.
She Wants to Borrow the Car…We’re Uneasy
She agreed to treatment for alcohol and will head home soon. She'll need transportation when she starts working again. Where does CRAFT stand on letting a Loved One borrow the car to get to work? What about installing a breathalyzer?
He’s Out of Treatment for Heroin, and Smoking Pot at Home
If you suspect he is high at home, remove rewards. Things are clearly not normal. Don’t accuse him, or bring up the fact that he looks high. Simply step away. Rely on your gut to decide whether he is in fact high. Step away, remove rewards, and allow natural consequences to occur.
How Will He Ever Get Treatment with Addiction, Medical & Mental Issues?
We have people on this site who work in the treatment system or for the state. I wonder if they have any ideas that could be helpful. Which Clinical Stabilization Services (CSS) and Transitional Support Services (TSS) can take someone with a cardiac issue?
She’s Pregnant—and Demanding Amazon Cards “For the Baby”
Amazon cards and any other gift cards can be sold on the street for part of their value in exchange for cash to buy drugs. CRAFT talks about stepping back when a Loved One is using and removing anything that can be viewed as a reward.
He’s Angry & Says We’ve Abandoned Him
He has temporarily lost custody of his young daughter because of his struggle with substances. His mother is raising his child but he has been having more and more angry outbursts in their home.
I Want to Trust Him Again, But…
Your son has spent time being dishonest in his actions and his interactions. He will falter going forward. Can you let the little things slide? Let him stumble some. Walk away when you see it? Be sparing in the incidents that you choose to bring up with him.
He’s Still Using…Should We Look for a New Therapist?
This father is seeing progress with his college-aged son's various addictive behaviors, but wonders if things are going fast enough. Does his son need a new therapist, given that he's still struggling with the compulsive gaming?
Our Strategy Is No Longer Working
It sounds as though he has now started taking advantage of your home. He is getting high in your house, stealing from you, probably enjoying a warm bed and food while high. He’s not really interested in going into treatment.
He’s Withdrawing from Suboxone at Home
An opiate detox is difficult. Buprenorphine (the agonist in suboxone) has one of the longest half-lives—much longer than illicit opioids. Your boyfriend will experience withdrawals over a longer period than he would the heroin. It can be a nasty surprise. He’s going to have to hang on.
He’s just out of rehab and I think he’s drinking
There are different kinds of relapse. There are relapses (some would call them lapses) that are short. The person scares themselves after one or several episodes of use and climbs quickly back onto the beam of recovery. There are also relapses where the episode of use (re)opens the floodgates to further use and the desire for sobriety ends for the time being.
Different Strokes…
He was on suboxone during a prior period of sobriety but relapsed in part because he didn't change friends, habits, and ways of thinking and admits he relied on the medication rather than do all of that hard work.
Can the Whole Family Get on the Same Page?
You wonder, after your brother's recent DUI and the evidence your parents hid, whether you should step in and contact the authorities. Your parents don’t need to know what you are doing behind the scenes. It is hard from a distance to create the environment conducive to your brother’s recovery. Addiction is a strong foe. This is not a fair fight.
He Got Around Section 35
People in recovery have developed skills to a fine edge during years of substance use that can serve them well. We make good salespeople.
He’s Nasty and Slothful—I’m done!
What your son is doing is beyond his control. He is addicted to very strong drugs. How you are seeing the situation is up to you. That may sound harsh but the immediate answer is in your court.
If We Kick Him Out Will Drug Use Worsen?
Leaving the house is conditional on continued use. The Loved One is told they are loved and would be welcomed back once they commit to addressing their addiction. Taken to its extreme, we suggest a day bed and a locker in a common space, where the Loved One can come FOR EVEN ONE NIGHT when they are not using.
He Is Literally Breaking Me in Half
From what you write, it sounds like you need to start with you. You cannot be effective when you feel “codependent and ill.” Your responses and decisions will not come from a place of calm and careful strategy.
What Can We Do to Prevent Him from Spending His Earnings on Drugs?
It is a vastly different reality to be parenting a child at high risk of addiction. Faced with this situation, parents often feel torn between wanting their Loved One to learn how to handle money and to feel the reinforcing effects of money as a reward for working, and the real possibility that they may use the money to buy drugs.
How I Learned to Set Boundaries That Bring Me Peace and Wellbeing
Through this learning process I have found an inner strength and calmness. My newly found skill of setting boundaries with quiet conviction has also spread into all aspects of my interactions and relationships with others, not just my Loved One with SUD. I have seen improved communications and relationships with everyone I am connected to.
Am I Loving Him to Death?
Unless other treatments are used in combination with MAT, there is a likelihood that the person will start to, or continue to, use other drugs. I am fond of saying that when I was on Naltrexone and Antabuse, I had (scarily real) thoughts of snorting the little white specs in the carpet. I was so desperate to get high on something.