Discussion Blog
Latest Discussion Blog Post
What Is Our Role? Underlying Feelings and Beliefs We Have About Our Loved Ones
Like many of us who have Loved Ones struggling with SUD, Allies member Binnie knows that trust is a delicate matter. Can we trust our Loved Ones to take care of themselves? Do we believe they have the capacity? Or do we think they’re so damaged that they can’t function without our stepping in? Isabel Cooney reflects on how trust is explored in a recent Allies podcast, and offers her own insightful take on this vital subject.
Discussion Blog Posts
My Son Is All Over the Place & Got Violent with Me
As family members we can become immune to the odd, desperate, and even dangerous, things our Loved Ones do while under the influence of drugs or alcohol. The safety module (#2) talks about this and lays out a safety plan every family should have in place, whether or not you’ve seen signs of danger before. It also discusses the idea of calling the police.
He Crashed the Car & His Marriage Is in Trouble
Allies member rlabib wrote in with concerns about his son's situation — struggling with addiction, no money, no job, depressed and trying to raise a young child. The parents live thousands of miles away and feel treatment is the only answer.
What Do These Mood Shifts Mean?
Why is your son having such wild mood and behavior swings over the course of the day? There are several possibilities to consider: mental illness such as depression or anxiety, a mood disorder or moody personality, drug/alcohol use, or some combination of the above…
The College Conundrum — CRAFT’s Position
Allies member “sophia” has arranged a tentative contract with her son with regards to financing his return to college. He is in early recovery and is quite motivated to return to school, the place where his use spun out of control. He has agreed to pay for his own tuition for now…
Getting My Parents On Board with CRAFT
In the moment when the Loved One makes a request, it is hard to disentangle whether to provide help or not. Does the help soften a consequence that results from their substance use? Or does the help provide them support for the practicalities of life, a life that teeters on the brink of crashing?
Should I Take the Risk of Sectioning Her?
You want to civilly commit your sister without the help of her husband. Sectioning someone can indeed create friction in the family, in this case between you, your Loved One and her husband. There is no way around it. *Can others on this site share details of their sectioning experience with diezil?
I Hate the Junkie He Has Become
Your son is far from the point of having any choice about getting high. When the drugs win, so do the manipulation, lies, and hateful behavior directed at you. It would shake any parent to their core. It is deeply affecting.
He’s Withdrawing from Kratom Alone
Allies member sophia wonders if she is setting her son up for failure if she lets him manage his withdrawal from Kratom by himself…
Our Front Is Not So United
Relationships can be gradually worn down and eventually ruined with such fundamental and ongoing disagreements. Addiction is a lifelong affliction. As a family you will fare better if you can find agreement on how to move forward.
Do I Have to Kick Her Out?
Telling your Loved One not to come back until they've kicked the habit is a lose/lose situation. You miss the moments when they are ready to try to stop, when you can help with treatment, and they miss the help line you offer…
We Thought Things Were Better—Then We Found Paraphernalia
Your son has come a long way since you last wrote us. He reduced/stopped the nicotine, the gaming, and the pot. You don’t mention his drinking but he almost certainly is not drinking under your roof. He is ambiguous about going back to school but he did get a 30-hour-a-week job. He is seeing two therapists.
I Think She’s Trying to Slowly Die
Your 27-year-old daughter has been drinking heavily for three years and recently attempted suicide while under the influence. She’s with a man, we’ll assume he also drinks, who abuses her. She has been to treatment three times.
Family Dynamics: Multi-Generational Addiction
Desperate Aunt has been instrumental in helping her two nephews engage into treatment. Their recovery remains strong yet she worries that their mother's recent overdoses may destabilize them.
Fentanyl is Winning Over the Sober Living
"Even after at least 7 narcan doses to revive him he apparently used again during the night, though we were with him." Fentanyl hijacks our ability to find pleasure elsewhere in life, and the withdrawals are so agonizing that we'll do absolutely anything to avoid them.
She finally went back to school—but she’s back on heroin
Your daughter was in rehab, a sober house, and went back to finish her freshman year at college. She has now relapsed on heroin. Suboxone right now is your insurance policy. It gives her an immediate chance to stop using, stop craving, and avoid withdrawals.
Our Parents Keep Bailing My Brother Out!
This is the story of older, well-meaning parents who are inadvertently supporting an adult child's substance use. By bailing him out of sticky situations, they end up softening the more difficult moments, thus preventing the Loved One from experiencing natural consequences. This becomes equivalent to enabling their continued using.
He Detoxed from Xanax & Now Won’t Speak to Me
After Mom insisted on detox at the ER for her son's xanax problem, they have become estranged and her son isn't speaking to her. Here's what Mom can do to keep moving forward despite the chill…
In a Sober House and Struggling
The period of early recovery is fragile, even dangerous. As important as it is to remove the drugs, it is even more important to add things in that take the place of the drugs and that provide meaning, guidance, and that support recovery and health…
Why Preparing a Treatment Plan Works!
Again and again, research has shown that people are more likely to follow through on something they themselves want and intend to do — if it is made easier to do. We are more likely to eat healthy if fresh salads are placed at eye-level in the cafeteria. We’re more likely to donate blood when the bloodmobile shows up in our company parking lot.
Just back from rehab and her ‘friend’ left her sick & unconscious in the basement
klmaiuri's daughter has relapsed twice in on month since her return from rehab. Mom seeks to understand how to influence her daughter despite her questionable frequentations…