Discussion Blog
Latest Discussion Blog Post
What We Can and Can’t Control: It’s Good to Know the Difference
Erica2727 has a husband who’s working hard on his recovery, but his place of work concerns her. She would like him to consider various options, but isn’t sure about how to talk over such matters with him. Allies’ writer Laurie MacDougall offers a guide to a vital distinction: on the one hand, what we can and should seek to control; and on the other, what we cannot, and don’t need to burden ourselves with attempting.
Discussion Blog Posts
He’s Bullying Me For Drug Money
Your son is using. If he succeeds in wearing you down with his verbal bullying you will not have the energy and motivation to help engage him into needed treatment. The CRAFT stance: Mom is no longer in your pocket, son. Mom is there for treatment when you’re ready.
Will They Live Long Enough to Get a Shot at Sobriety?
There are definite limits to what a family can do. What a difficult and complicated situation your family is in. To watch two sisters fight and resist critical help when they are obviously in much difficulty has got to be gut wrenching. The question is how to walk the line between protecting them from potential danger while allowing the natural consequences that can lead them to want to make a change.
Come out of the Gray Area
What you describe is a terrible, terrible situation. When drugs and alcohol have taken over, the parent is drawn into the needs of the addiction, blamed when resources come up short, attacked when they refuse to provide the "help" requested.
Why Is My Boundary-Setting Not Working?
Why is it that setting and maintaining boundaries is so difficult to do? Nowhere does this breakdown become more apparent than when we are confronted with life’s difficulties, feeling lost in chaos and despair.
A Love Letter to Allies in Recovery
Wow am I excited to tell you this!! I get messages every day from someone at one point or another along the journey of having a son or daughter who is struggling. One Mom recently wrote to say her son who is an IV Heroin user had just relapsed…
Is Injectable Buprenorphine a Better Alternative?
While the injectable form of Suboxone will deter the problem of people selling their Suboxone pills, the lower frequency of visits makes it harder to follow a patient’s accountability through urine tests and required therapy visits.
5 Healthy Ways to Handle Tough Holiday Situations
I’ve compiled helpful suggestions and tips for handling this time of year, based on difficult holiday seasons I’ve experienced myself, along with wisdom offered by therapists and expert family advocates.
How Can I Intervene from Far Away?
It can be hard to tell over the phone when your son is high. He will probably not slur and you have no visual cues. It is subtle— is he in an unusually good mood and therefore high, or really cranky and therefore probably in withdrawals?
In Addition to the Substances, He’s Gaming All Night…
The combination of the alcohol, pot, and gaming has ruined his first semester at college to the point that he is now forced to take a leave from school. It’s a huge consequence. It also brings up a whole set of questions about how you will address this change in plans.
Allies in Recovery Philosophy Statement
We want to make clear that while at Allies in Recovery we do not see medication as our only goal, we have no wish to stigmatize a treatment plan that includes medication. We are here with a strong, evidence-based training program designed to help family members and others in the community of the Loved One gain the skills they will need.
After Treatment and Relapses Now She’s in Jail
All of this may make you want to give up on treatment. Please don’t. In one study of treatment, it took 4 treatment episodes on average to get any traction into sobriety. It’s hard to do, but every new treatment episode should be looked on as a new day…it has the chance of working.
The Huge Challenge of the Holidays
As the holidays approach, many families and Loved Ones begin to anticipate complicated feelings and situations. As Thanksgiving approaches, Mostlysunny wonders what the CRAFT angle would be on dealing with her 24-yr-old son who suffers from depression and is currently drinking heavily.
We’re Paying for College While He Parties and Plays Video Games
The question of paying for college is indeed a tricky one. Rewards need to be things that can be taken away quickly if and when you see the person is using. That’s hard to do with a college semester.
How to Support Our Daughter as She Moves Back into Parenting
You don’t wake up one morning sober and magically know how to parent. Putting down the drink and drug does not provide you with life skills. It does, however, make you a whole lot more teachable.
If Suicide is a Risk, is CRAFT Still Appropriate?
The talk of suicide is indeed very worrisome and can stop families from allowing natural consequences. The fear is that taking away money, or not answering their phone calls, or leaving them alone when high will lead the Loved One to suicide.
What Does Being “In Denial” Actually Mean?
Accepting something life-shattering is gradual, it's a journey—one that involves grief and soul searching. If it's happening to you, be open to the truth and gentle with yourself. If it's happening to someone you know, tread lightly and with compassion.
Three Loved Ones in Addiction – A Triple Threat
When three Loved Ones in your life struggle with mental illness and addiction what do you do? How do you find a safe place and some peace?
Am I Enabling Use?
I believed with all my heart that the responsibility of curing him of this disease lay solely upon me and my ability to not enable. I eventually learned this was not the truth. While we can contribute in negative or positive ways and influence the situation, we cannot orchestrate a specific outcome.
We Don’t Know When My Brother is High
What a shock to learn your brother has been using opioids all this time. Opioid use can be like this. A person can look almost passed out, eyes glazed and half shut, scratching their face; perhaps unusually happy and, conversely, energized. These are all signs of opioid use.
My Husband is More Angry When He Drinks
Your husband’s anger is its own thing, separate from alcoholism but ignited by the alcohol. The anger makes everything so much harder. He directs it at you, blames you for how badly he feels about his drinking. You are closest to him and therefore the most likely victim of his finger pointing.