Discussion Blog
Latest Discussion Blog Post
Does This Story Have An Ending?
Recovery journeys are often long and difficult—believe us, we know—but CRAFT skills can help you not lose your way.
Discussion Blog Posts
Loved One Needs to Balance Work and Rehab
A family member looks at getting her Loved One into a program that can help treat addiction while allowing her to maintain part-time work. She wants treatment, but in the past has been asked to leave a program when her drug tests came in positive. What does CRAFT recommend?
Unhappy Boss Doesn’t Know What Family Member is Facing
A member receives an harsh note about her work performance on the eve of her holiday break. Her Loved One's addiction has consumed so much of her energy and time that she hasn't been able to devote as much attention to her work as she's used to. Unable to share any of this with her boss, she feels of anxiety and shame about his poorly timed message…
Metering Out Rewards
An Allies Member writes in for help choosing rewards that align with the CRAFT principles. She pays for her Loved One's phone, but doesn't want to take it away in response to his use… Keeping the bridge of communication open between them is so important right now. CRAFT examines the situation.
Son Coming Home for Christmas
Allies member StrongerTogether is anticipating her son's return home from a sober house for the holidays. How do we approach those family events where alcohol will inevitably be served, with Loved Ones visiting who may still be in the early stages of recovery?
High Anxiety, Son Lost Job and Home, Awaits Trial
An Allies member writes of recent turmoil in her Loved One's life. Awaiting trial after an arrest for hitting his girlfriend, the Loved One is now without a job, home or partner. Even after moving far away to distance herself from the constant drama, our member faces high anxiety as a single mom and the only family to her son. What can she do to break this cycle?
Son Breaking In
Allies member has asked her son to leave after he repeatedly violated boundaries she had set, breaking in and stealing from the family. The Loved One has agreed to meet with her and a counselor to start talking things out in a new way. CRAFT principles can still be applied even when contact is limited…
Coming Home from Sober House
Loved One is not engaged in treatment, not taking prescriptions, says he "feels fine" and "doesn't need it." He's finishing up at a sober house and Allied member wants advice for addressing his return home. Should she meet with treatment team and work up a contract? Perhaps a case manager? CRAFT looks at top priorities in preparing for this transition…
He Angrily Brushes Off Our Attempts
Loved One is defiant and angry with parents, rejecting kind gestures. He's using pot daily, missing school, doesn't see his use as a problem… You have begun to implement CRAFT guidelines when he comes home high. Keep this up! And keep trying new gestures and rewards that will allow you to connect when he's sober. Stop parenting, start partnering. Try to take a longer view, he still has life lessons to learn. For now, focus on reward and chill, and let the rest be.
Today He’s Full of Regret and Hopelessness
5 weeks after changing the lock and having her son leave the house, 1delapisa received a text from him. What he expresses (discontent with where his life is, unsure of next steps, feeling hopeless…) is the equivalent of what CRAFT calls a "dip". Here's what to do when you're lucky enough to be present for a "dip"…
My Helping Wasn’t Helpful. Now I’m Practicing Detaching
This member's daughter has essentially cut Mom off. This after Mom spent years helping her daughter and son-in-law as they sank deeper and deeper into trouble with the drugs and probably also alcohol. She now realizes that the way she was helping them wasn’t helpful. When detaching must happen, what is the best stance for the concerned family member?
Natural Consequences…or Punishment?
Removing rewards at home (beyond material rewards) is subtle. Leaving him alone in the room, not joining him in front of the TV, no hugs, smiles, scrunches on the back. You are just neutral. You are not critical, judgmental, or angry. You are dismissive, non-inclusive. It’s the big chill. Every way you can, you create this divide where everything is warm and rosy in the moment when he’s sober; everything is distant and cold when he’s not. This is the line you try to maintain.
Borderline Personality Disorder and Addiction
Being in a relationship with someone who struggles with addiction AND has borderline personality disorder (BPD) is exceptionally challenging. People with addiction are happy to push responsibility for themselves onto you. With BPD, they do this with even more gusto. It’s very hard to navigate and very troubling for those who love them.
Must I Accept That She’s Killing Herself?
I would change your sentence “accept she is dying” to "accept that things are shifting and your role is limited.” I’m sorry, but you just don’t have the power to say or do anything that in itself will shift the whole balance. The steps laid out in the Learning Modules are incremental steps; they are a way to define the line between what you can and cannot do.
He Has Relapsed and Is Likely Dealing Out of Our Home
How upsetting it must be to see your Loved One blossom after rehab, only to sink slowly back towards drug use, dishonesty, and criminal activity. Fanochoklit is discouraged, even ashamed, by her son’s choices, especially the drug dealing. How can she set firm boundaries to protect her home and family, while maintaining the bridge of trust with her son?
I’m Getting Lost Searching for Treatment
This mom is getting lost in the search for treatment … Who can you trust? Online reviews are sometimes written by facilities' employees…mommaoftwo asks "Does anyone know of a site or a facility that uses EBT, not primarily 12 step, long-term, that treats clients with respect and caring and will help them heal from meth addiction?"
I’ve Thrown Him Out—What Are the Next Steps?
A day at a time sounds like the right idea. I understand feeling exhausted and fed up. Perhaps you take some time to clean up your house, make his room yours, and get your strength back. With CRAFT, we talk about building and maintaining a bridge between you. I hope things will quiet down and that you can step back in when you’re ready.
She’s On the Street with a No-Good Boyfriend
Keep your focus on your Loved One. Leave the boyfriend out of it when talking to them. You will create a wedge between you if they believe you are against the partner. It’s hard to not want to blame the partner, but doing so creates more obsessive thoughts for you, and doesn’t solve your Loved One's situation.
She’s Across the Country and Wants Us to Bail Her Out
You will need the jail’s help to decide what is best. If they won’t help you, I actually think staying in jail until February may be the safest answer for you and for her. Your daughter has been on a drug run. There are consequences for this. She has landed in jail, which is not the right place for her, but she's made some bad decisions and this is where society has put her.
He Has A Triple Diagnosis—Where Do I Start?
Allies member frankstr's son has a triple diagnosis: PTSD, SUD and most recently, blindness. Where does he start? When seeking to help a Loved One with multiple diagnoses, pursuing treatment for the issue they are most willing to work on is a viable strategy.
She Secretly Struggles with Bulimia & Alcohol
There is a difference between someone who is legitimately unaware of the effects and dangers of what they are doing, who doesn’t have, or has not experienced, behaviors of healthy living…and someone who has. peepsandklucks has a high-functioning daughter who secretly struggles with bulimia and alcohol, refusing all treatment. Mom wonders about striking a deal: treatment in exchange for co-signing on a house…