Discussion Blog
Latest Discussion Blog Post
About This Whole “Engage When They’re Not Using” Business…
If you’ve worked your way through Allies’ eLearning Modules, you’re already familiar with the concept: when our Loved One (LO) is using, we remove rewards and allow for natural consequences. When they’re not using, we reward them right away. But as member BRIGHTSIDE has been finding, the real-life timing can be a challenge. Laurie MacDougall reviews the fundamentals of this process, and shares ideas for getting creative when the lines seem blurred.
Discussion Blog Posts
He’s Back in College But Is Still On Shaky Ground
The bar you set may be unrealistically high in terms of your expectations. Individuals don’t stop all addictions at once. They test out reducing use in different contexts, thinking it is easy, but finding it actually a good deal more difficult. Chances are, your son has the best intentions but will find it very difficult to meet the goal of total abstinence from all his subject issues, all at once.
He’s Clean From Opiates But Really Struggling
This mom is determined to help her son, in recovery from opioid addiction since last December. He continues to struggle, from symptoms related to Lyme's disease, misuse of benzodiazepines, chronic fatigue, and perhaps depression. He recently told her "I have lost the tenacity to live."
The Pot’s A Problem But I Fear Pushing Him Back to Heroin
Ivy2015 has successfully used the CRAFT principles taught on this site to help her son into inpatient treatment for heroin addiction. He is now 9 months out and has not relapsed…but he is at home, and mom worries about his pot use and fleeting motivation, despite his continued visits to a therapist…
He Doesn’t Show An Ounce of Gratitude
When a Loved One is in the throes of active addiction, family members feel the need to focus almost entirely on the Loved One and their situation. When I meet with a family, I like to start with the question, How are you doing? How quickly the answer turns to an account of how their Loved One is doing. I understand why, of course.
It’s Either I Help Him or I Help Myself
From your comment it appears your son is ruling your home and your relationships with other family members. You have the power to stop this. It isn’t easy, but it is possible. The police may need to come take him away. He may respond by getting loaded. Ask yourself whether having your son live with you has been protective for him. Are you really able to secure his safety?
Serious Mental Illness & Addiction—Help!
A member wonders if it would be 'immoral' to ask her son, alcohol-dependent and experiencing psychotic symptoms, to leave the house. Disorders producing psychotic symptoms can definitely complicate treatment and recovery for addiction. Here are one mother's notes on navigating the mental health system in Massachusetts.
I Engaged in the Chaos—Now What?
Your intuition was right. Your son’s relapse has taken hold. He stayed away for days, went begging to other family members for money after draining his own checking account, and has now been brought home to your house. Everyone is now in their proverbial corner, along with a threat of a civil commitment. What are the next steps to get back towards partnering with your son, rather than parenting him…
Oh, the Grief of Witnessing a Loved One’s Addiction
Member gptraveler finds that the experience of having an addicted Loved One brings up deep grief, similar to experiencing a death, and wonders whether this connection has been explored. She and her husband use CRAFT with their alcoholic daughter, who is currently in a downward spiral. Depression on top of it all seems to keep her from seeking treatment.
I’m Seeking Justice for My Son
esta4 has addressed a comment to the Allies in Recovery community, sharing the terrible news of her son's passing. She also seeks to inform families about the dangers that may be facing their alcohol-addicted Loved Ones. The ethanol extract he had purchased online was not only 150 proof, but also contaminated with methanol, which lead to his death by poisoning…
I Manage Two Sober Homes
What recovery means to us is not necessarily defined by 12-Step adherence, though we have found that people who are truly committed to 12-Step concepts are usually at a place where they are actively reflecting on their life process, and working on ways to engage with respect and empathy with others attempting to do the same thing.
I Can’t Tell When He’s High on Suboxone
It is hard to tell the difference when someone is high from opiates, if they are long-time users and are just maintaining—they just appear normal. Suboxone can look the same: they just appear normal. Because you see your son so rarely you won’t know the patterns that would help inform your guess as to whether he is high or not.
I’m Not Sure CRAFT Is the Right Approach Now…
It is hard to imagine what that boy did. There were hearings on the hill about deceptive practices in the treatment world. I think this one may beat them all. CRAFT would suggest you stay in contact, urge treatment, and help with treatment if needed. The contact can be a text telling her you love her. In a second text, perhaps you…
Is the Sober House Doing Enough?
Your son is back in the sober house after yet another overdose and a trip to detox. This time the house is suggesting vivitrol, but that’s it. I have a suspicion that the house may be heavily 12 step-oriented. This is fine, BUT 12-step oriented individuals (including the owner who may be in recovery) are not great proponents of other treatments for SUD.
He is Relapsing Right Now, Should He Leave Home?
If, as family members, we wait around for a 100% commitment from our Loved One, we will almost certainly be waiting a long time. Family members must make decisions and take actions in an environment of probabilities. David Sheff, author of Beautiful Boy, put it like this: “A world of contradictions, wherein everything is gray and almost nothing is black and white.”
When It Rains It Pours
Member Shelleybobelly watched Module 7 on Caring for Yourself, but feels the examples given are not appropriate for her life. Between overdoses and relapses, she and her daughter are in crisis mode. Below, Annie Highwater responds with some thoughts about the emotional storms that accompany crisis, addiction, relapse.
He Was ‘Chipping’ at the Sober House
Your son is using again, after three overdoses in quick succession, including one in detox. As his mom, you’ve had your suspicions but still had him to dinner and didn’t say anything to your son or husband when you saw that he was high. So yes, there was a better way to handle the dinner.
Chicken or the Egg?
This is my opinion, and I may be wrong about your daughter’s motives, but I think it's helpful to hear from an experienced drug user (me). Did your daughter relapse because she came off suboxone or did she relapse because, without a firm stance in recovery, she orchestrated coming off suboxone to relapse?
Moving Past Stigma
Stigma is a powerful deterrent to treatment, recovery and hope. As we are all aware, the addiction crisis is not stopping or even slowing down. I believe stigma often stands in the way of progress. The Surgeon General called addiction a “chronic brain disease, not a moral failing.”
AA & MAT
Medications for opioid addiction are critically important to get a leg up into recovery. They can prevent cravings, overdose, relapse, and death. and prevent excruciating withdrawals. As we have argued elsewhere, medications, however, don’t guarantee recovery.
How A Daybed & Footlocker Can Change the Game
After rehab, many parents find themselves in that sticky, gray area of whether or not to allow their recovering Loved One to stay at home. Follow these guidelines to create the ideal home environment for your adult child. Setting up a Daybed & Footlocker can bring peace and clarity.