Discussion Blog
Latest Discussion Blog Post
About This Whole “Engage When They’re Not Using” Business…
If you’ve worked your way through Allies’ eLearning Modules, you’re already familiar with the concept: when our Loved One (LO) is using, we remove rewards and allow for natural consequences. When they’re not using, we reward them right away. But as member BRIGHTSIDE has been finding, the real-life timing can be a challenge. Laurie MacDougall reviews the fundamentals of this process, and shares ideas for getting creative when the lines seem blurred.
Discussion Blog Posts
Checklist for Families Looking into Treatment Facilities
This is a checklist of important things to ask about and consider when you begin looking into Treatment facilities for your Loved One.
Heads Up Information if You’re “New to SUD”
In a recent conversation on the Coming Up for Air podcast, a discussion took place as to what tips parents and loved ones may need when first facing the crisis of addiction, alcoholism or Substance Use Disorder. The following “Heads Ups” were (or would have been) very helpful when my own family was in the eye of the storm.
Believe that Good Things Can Happen
What I do see more clearly as time goes on, is the role that hope plays in this whole process. Not just hope, but the belief that people can change and will change given the right circumstances and motivation. If there were something I could tell anyone who is going through this with a loved one it would be just that.
The Silent Treatment
One thing I did not realize as I found my way forward was that in addition to my own emotional suffering from almost losing him, Elliot might be traumatized by the experience with addiction himself. Due to how it affected me, I didn’t lend much empathy or understanding to the impact it may have had on him. I couldn’t comprehend it. It didn’t register for me at all.
He Could Be Better Off in Jail
Locking people up for their addiction and the non-violent but illegal behavior that accompanies that addiction is completely unacceptable. Our society has tried to jail its way out of the problems of addiction and it simply doesn’t work….. Now let’s address where your son is. We often argue that you have to let the system into your life when a Loved One is abusing drugs or alcohol.
He Gets Mean and Verbally Abusive
Do not take what he says while drinking personally. Do not expect more from him. This is it, your husband is drunk. Do not expect him to remember his nastiness the next day. He is withdrawing that next day. Do not step in at this point with rewards. He isn’t meeting the definition of “not using” the morning after.
Rapid Detox
Rapid detoxification from a drug involves anesthetizing the person and then injecting a high dose of opiate-blocking drugs. The idea is that the person sleeps through the worst of the withdrawal.
I Haven’t Seen a Wish or a Dip – Should I Wait?
Like a wish or a dip, the timing of a planned conversation is important. Your Loved One should be in an okay mood, not completely high or in withdrawals. You, too, need to be in good shape. Remember, quiet….loving….and accepting of whatever answer you get from your Loved One. If it doesn’t work this time, you are prepared to set up again.
How Can I Help Her through This Nightmare ?
Death from overdose is particularly difficult for the family. Isolation is great, the family feels stigmatized or ashamed. There is the terrible feeling that more could have been done to avoid the death. Other family members may not be as supportive as they could be. This two-part article does a good job of laying out the difficulties of losing someone to overdose. As a friend, understanding what the family is going through will feel important.
Desperate Aunt Is Not Desperate Anymore
I cannot express how grateful for all the support, kindness and education you all gave me. Especially, Dominique Simon-Levine, PhD Founder & CEO. I am in awe of you and your dedication and support. I was at my wits end and you were amazing to me. He successfully, networked and started meetings the day after we landed in LA. Completed his IOP. Found a Sponsor who is amazing. Got a job that he has held for 6 months and is now living with a few other friends who are also sober.
Narcan
All pharmacies in Massachusetts have a standing order to provide you 2 doses of Narcan. You do not need a prescription. If a pharmacy is unaware of this, or is out of stock, go to another pharmacy.
Intervention or Intervention?
Look for a "wish" or a "dip" in your Loved One. It is during one of these moments that you talk about treatment. The rest of the time you would not mention it. You want your treatment talk to count, to be listened to. You want your Loved One to be as receptive as can be. Families can sound like broken records when it comes to the topic of getting help, or quitting.
What the Family Can & Can’t Do
You can’t cure your son’s mental illness or substance problems. But here is what you CAN DO for him.
Assaulted While Under the Influence
I want to thank you for reading this site and for trying hard to help your partner. Not everyone would try. So to put this in terms of CRAFT: your partner has had a terrible scare that may cause her to look at her drinking with a renewed desire to stop. This scare may encourage her to seek more treatment.
When Mental Health & Addiction Have Been Mishandled
One person who can advocate prior to discharge from the hospital is the family. But be prepared, and this may not be true with every psychiatric hospital ward, but the family is too often seen as a thorn in the side. Perhaps the Loved One has also refused to sign a release that allows the family to speak to the clinical team.
Comfort in Chaos
Once my son went off to treatment, even though it was positive, the abrupt change left me with feelings of loneliness. I was weepy and had feelings of not being needed anymore.
Now That He’s Sober, I Never Hear From Him
Since my son has been sober he basically doesn't call or get together with me. I am in the process of selling family home and I know it is coming with alot of emotion. But I just want him to communicate with me….. I would love to hear how others cope with this.
Tips on Advocating for your LO’s Aftercare
Aftercare must focus on both the mental illness and the substance abuse problem. The family must advocate for follow-up psychiatric treatment and a plan for ongoing substance abuse treatment. The family may need to get in there and push for this.
How Can I Reward Him – He’s Always High on Pot!
Your son appears to always be high. Without confronting him, and asking or accusing him of being high, your best guess is that he is always high and there is no period when he is straight enough for you to reward. The CRAFT approach says when high do three things:
Trigger Happy
One thing we can count on in life is this: triggers will always present themselves. Having a planned response will minimize regret over mishandling them. Here are some suggested responses for when triggers occur, that work well for me…