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Believe that Good Things Can Happen

Hands Candles Hope

Dear Dominique,

How time does always just move along—despite how often we think of people, the days get in between us.  I am focused on the concept of time today because Lucas marks his third anniversary of sobriety today. How crazy is that.
Our conversations with him, with you, with others and all the circumstances that surrounded them are burned into my memory so clearly that I hear the words and feel the feeling—just as though all that was taking place right now. It is clear to me, yet it is in a haze too. That is, the timeframe is all mixed up. I might remember clearly the words and emotions but when things occurred is all mixed up. I suppose that is to be expected and it is sort of fitting, as this is a lifelong journey requiring hindsight and foresight to ensure a continued and successful passage. As we have said many times, "it's his path to walk but ours to shadow his direction and to be just a hand reach away when needed."
What I do see, I think, more clearly as time goes on, is the role that hope plays in this whole process. Not just hope, but the belief that people can change and will change given the right circumstances and motivation. If there were something I could tell anyone who is going through this with a loved one it would be just that. Keep yourself anchored in the knowledge of hope's possibilities, of your loved one's innate inner strength and being, believe that good things can happen, for they do. We can assist by helping to set the best environment for our loved one to be successful. It isn't easy but it can be, and it is done by many. Hope for, and believe that, our loved ones can survive and thrive. After all, at some point, their hope is exhausted, it is up to us to keep it alive.


In your comments, please show respect for each other and do not give advice. Please consider that your choice of words has the power to reduce stigma and change opinions (ie, "person struggling with substance use" vs. "addict", "use" vs. "abuse"...)

  1. Dear Millicent and NancyTea,
    Thank you for your kind words, I am humbled and grateful that what I have said may be found helpful in some way; for, true happiness is found in service to others and we can all use a bit of both at times.
    Take care.

  2. Many thanks, Physical! Congratulations to your son and so nice of you to take the time to write. Your note came at a perfect moment for me..My daughter is about to leave a rehab after a stay of a bit more than 100 days. She is doing so well right now and is going to move into a sober house. After after touring the place, talking to the owner and meeting the manager, we think it seems like a solid stepping stone. Still, I had a worrisome night and your words calmed me. She seems stronger and more determined to remain sober than she ever has, and I believe that our connection to her is a critical piece of her recovery.

  3. Thank you for the reminder to remain hopeful. I did a community mindful meditation session last night and the moderator talked about love. Specifically how virtues like hope are expressions of love.
    He read this quote and I wanted to share it with you: “If love is the soul of Christian existence, it must be at the heart of every other Christian virtue. Thus, for example, justice without love is legalism; faith without love is ideology; hope without love is self-centeredness; forgiveness without love is self-abasement; fortitude without love is recklessness; generosity without love is extravagance; care without love is mere duty; fidelity without love is servitude. Every virtue is an expression of love. No virtue is really a virtue unless it is permeated, or informed, by love (1 Corinthians 13).” Fr. Richard P. McBrien, *Catholicism
    It’s easy for me to get wrapped up in what my son’s addiction is doing to me but then I remember to approach him with love and it changes my perspective and I begin to understand what this is doing to him. I want to remain there for him, just a hands reach away. Thanks again for the reminder.