Allies in Recovery member frankstr 's son is in jail, still addicted, and may soon be able to spend some weekends at home. What is the right thing to do? What is the CRAFT thing to do? Refuse? Let him stay?
"Our son is in jail. He is still addicted and suffering from PTSD.
He possibly can gradually earn more freedom on his way to society. He can spend a few weekends at home. Last year he lost his home. Therefore he asked us to spend this weekend in our house.
This is a dilemma. What is the right thing to do? How to help him? Refusing? Or let him stay these weekends?
He already did spend a couple of months in our house because of homelessness.
It was a difficult time for us because of prolonged heroin use, sometimes hostile behaviour, avoiding contact. Most of the times he stayed in his room. It was not possible to come to agreements.
Then he went back to his home and his addiction got even worse, escalating into problems with the law and ending in jail."
What to do when your Loved One comes home from jail for the weekend? The difficulties of life with a Loved One who is addicted do seem endless at times.
I see these weekends as an opportunity for you, the family. He is mandated to your house, and most certainly urine tested. If he uses, he will lose the privilege. So it’s likely you don’t have to worry about drug use. If he does use, you will be quickly off the hook for weekend duty.
I would suggest that you:
- watch Learning Modules 4-5-6 prior to his arrival,
- hold hands and take a long collective breath, and
- make a commitment to not react to him and instead to respond in a CRAFTy way.
The short answer is to apply CRAFT to the weekend like any other situation. At least you aren’t faced with the dilemma of whether or not to ask him to leave….. the period is just too short and his mandate is probably to stay at your house.
You can look upon this as a CRAFT intensive. Review Learning Modules 4-5-6 …it’s about practicing communication and behavioral responses to your son’s behavior.
I think you will find that since he isn’t using, and he is back in a home environment, he won’t be as bad as when he was homeless and staying with you. Your son is likely to relish the opportunity to be in a home environment.
I think you’ll have occasion to reward his non-use. If he is cranky, or goes into hiding in his room, so be it. In this case, use the “he’s using” triad:
- remove rewards,
- allow natural consequences.
Make the meals easy to remove, or at least be prepared to remove yourselves from the table; don’t try and bring his mood around; don’t sit with him as though nothing is happening. Find a way to back away.
If the unthinkable happens and he does use, let the system provide the consequence. It is out of your hands. He will be caught. He will lose all privileges.
On the whole, I see this as an opportunity to build the bridge and show him that he has a family and a home that is loving when he doesn't use.