I was an AIR member about 10 years ago, but left when my husband finally got into treatment. We got him into treatment 3 times, for a total of 120 days over the last 12 years. He is now a completely lost soul, continuing to use every waking moment. He only stops when he runs out of money. Over the last 4 years, he has used every penny for drugs. A man who used to make $165,000 a year is broke, with rarely $5. I will not give him a penny, as I support the house, pay for everything to do with the house, vacations, my son’s expenses, everything. Often, I feel like a married single mom. I’ve been in this so long and have used the CRAFT strategies multiple times. But he is so far deep after over a decade of heavy drug use, he is almost unreachable. Unfortunately, in my state, unless I file for divorce, I cannot make him leave my home unless he is abusing me. And he is not. He is a wonderfully, loving caring man who is very sick. But when I look at him, I’m disgusted. What happened to my understanding and empathy that I’ve had over the years? If only he would give me space.
Our Allies member has been through so many years of her husband’s use, the fabric of their relationship seems unraveled. She doesn’t know how to emerge from a state of resentment and hurt, after single-handedly keeping everything going through his years of use. Arguing daily, she wonders where the love and compassion went… *This post originally appeared on our Member Site blog, where experts respond to members’ questions and concerns. To take advantage of our current special offer and get full access to the Allies in Recovery eLearning program for families, click here.
Yes, the family DOES have a role to play. Your stance, behavior, and choices DO make a difference. At Allies in Recovery we are absolutely convinced of this. “Tough love” is not a successful technique. Our learning platform is set up to help family members learn the techniques that will reduce conflict, build that bridge of communication, and be effective in guiding your loved one into treatment. Together we will move your loved one towards recovery. Learn more here.
image © Riccardo Mion via Unsplash
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