Discussion Blog
Latest Discussion Blog Post
He’s Not Using, But He Still Depends on Me for Everything.
decostam’s 32-year-old son lives at home, and has succeeded in abstaining from opioid use for two years. Despite this huge accomplishment, he seems stuck in other aspects of his life. What should decostam ask of him at this stage? And just as importantly, how? Dominique Simon-Levine recommends a realistic, step-by-step approach to helping our Loved Ones move toward independence.
Discussion Blog Posts
We Don’t Know When My Brother is High
What a shock to learn your brother has been using opioids all this time. Opioid use can be like this. A person can look almost passed out, eyes glazed and half shut, scratching their face; perhaps unusually happy and, conversely, energized. These are all signs of opioid use.
My Husband is More Angry When He Drinks
Your husband’s anger is its own thing, separate from alcoholism but ignited by the alcohol. The anger makes everything so much harder. He directs it at you, blames you for how badly he feels about his drinking. You are closest to him and therefore the most likely victim of his finger pointing.
Overwhelmed & Lost – Where Do I Go From Here?
Overwhelmed and lost is a pretty common state for a family member. We wrote and produced this site to address this very challenge. We believe treatment is the best answer for your son. Yes, some people recover on their own, but that is too long to wait.
He Wants Money & Cigarettes While in Treatment
CRAFT would say reward the non-use. Your son is not using drugs. In fact, he is behaving in a way you want to support: he is in treatment. Though I know you've already given him so much, the money and cigarettes are a reward given his current efforts.
MAT: What’s the Harm in “Harm Reduction”?
THE scientific evidence for MAT is that it lowers overdose and reduces opiate use. This is very important and a critical first step for those abusing opioids. I maintain, though, that there is more to recovery than just this. This is why the clinical directors of MAT programs I have talked to call it harm reduction.
Could Pot Help with Addiction?
I worry that we are becoming a society in which harm reduction is the goal. With MAT and now marijuana on the scene, are we putting a whole generation of people into a limbo state, part of the way towards recovery (harm reduction) by addressing only one drug (opiates)?
He’s Been Using for 15 Years – And I Didn’t Know It
Medication-assisted treatments such as Suboxone and Methadone help to bypass the pain or discomfort of withdrawl, and that is partly why they help. Unfortunately, these treatments only address the opioids, not the other drugs that are likely to come on board. A drug substitution doesn’t change the psychological hold that getting high carries for people.
He’s In Treatment – It’s Time to Readjust Your Hopes & Expectations
By going to treatment, your Loved One is at the beginning of a process. It’s a process than can take time and builds in increments. It is way too early to expect from him the kind of deeper reflection, honesty, and communication skills that would lead to recognition, admission, and apologies for his past behavior. You can expect these things, but not yet.
Drama, Drama, Drama
Unless you were born and raised alone in the woods with no human interaction, you have at some point in your life experienced drama. I learned so much when I took to the public and asked this question: “What is your definition of ‘drama’?”
Will She Relapse if She Goes Back to College?
The CRAFT framework seeks to encourage pursuits that compete with use. The thrill of learning, the connection with new college friends, and the headiness of exchanging big ideas, combined with the structure and demands of college could certainly fit the definition of a pursuit that competes with use.
Anxieties, Worries and Fears, Oh My!
So with some of my close loved ones involved in addiction and high-risk lifestyles, how do I personally cope with the stress so that it does not spiral into a great depression? My methods of coping vary by degree just as my levels of fear and worry tend to.
She’s Secretly Using
Feeling powerless over a Loved One who is secretly using and who is putting themselves at risk is a terrible feeling. Everyone on this site can relate to your distress. Allies in Recovery is geared to giving you power, because you do have power.
“It’s Just My Opinion”
I won’t reply with sarcasm in my voice. I will say it in the context of “say what you mean, mean what you say, but don’t say it mean.” I hope people might think twice about how powerful their words can be, and become more aware, especially when someone is going through a difficult time. Lastly, I want to keep the door open to people making amends. Many do not know the pain and despair that families go through when dealing with SUD.
Shady Characters Who Threaten Recovery
Old boyfriends, street corners, and bar stools are everywhere in sobriety. As long as your daughter continues to prioritize her recovery, trust that she will walk on by.
I’m Applying CRAFT but He’s Getting Angry
If I were more technologically inclined I would end this post with an audio of wild applause. You are making the changes in your relationship that are most likely to work. You are cleaning up your end of things, and in the process highlighting and pushing onto your husband what is his responsibility to resolve. You are giving him the chance to see and address the drinking. This is huge!
Home from Jail for the Weekend
You can look upon this as a CRAFT intensive. On the whole, I see this as an opportunity to build the bridge and show him that he has a family and a home that is loving when he doesn't use. Modules 4-6 teach you to practice communication and behavioral responses to your Loved One's behavior.
How Can I Influence Her From Far Away?
In the research, CRAFT was designed for family members who have a good deal of contact with their Loved One. You’re right, it is more difficult at a distance. Over the years, Allies in Recovery has learned how to increase the reach CRAFT has across long distances, and our families have had some success in doing so. Here are a couple of ideas.
Checklist for Families Looking into Treatment Facilities
This is a checklist of important things to ask about and consider when you begin looking into Treatment facilities for your Loved One.
Heads Up Information if You’re “New to SUD”
In a recent conversation on the Coming Up for Air podcast, a discussion took place as to what tips parents and loved ones may need when first facing the crisis of addiction, alcoholism or Substance Use Disorder. The following “Heads Ups” were (or would have been) very helpful when my own family was in the eye of the storm.
Believe that Good Things Can Happen
What I do see more clearly as time goes on, is the role that hope plays in this whole process. Not just hope, but the belief that people can change and will change given the right circumstances and motivation. If there were something I could tell anyone who is going through this with a loved one it would be just that.