Discussion Blog
Latest Discussion Blog Post
Cutting Him Off Entirely Isn’t the Answer—Is It?
We’ve all heard the argument: cut the cord. Let them sink to rock bottom. They’ve made their bed; now they have to lie in it. Recently, Allies member erinlewis was offered this sort of advice concerning her teenage son. Data and experience have shown that such an approach is usually the wrong one for our Loved Ones—but maintaining a connection doesn’t mean that anything goes. Laurie MacDougall walks us through a CRAFT-informed approach to self-care, boundaries, and the balancing act of connection and accountability.
Discussion Blog Posts
He Wants Money and Cigarettes While in Treatment
A mother doesn’t know what she should do when one of her sons asks for money and cigarettes while in treatment. He claims he can only get through this with smokes. Is this a reasonable request after all that has happened?
What Can We Do to Prevent Him from Spending His Earnings on Drugs?
It is a vastly different reality to be parenting a child at high risk of addiction. Faced with this situation, parents often feel torn between wanting their Loved One to learn how to handle money and to feel the reinforcing effects of money as a reward for working, and the real possibility that they may use the money to buy drugs.
How I Learned to Set Boundaries That Bring Me Peace and Wellbeing
Through this learning process I have found an inner strength and calmness. My newly found skill of setting boundaries with quiet conviction has also spread into all aspects of my interactions and relationships with others, not just my Loved One with SUD. I have seen improved communications and relationships with everyone I am connected to.
Am I Loving Him to Death?
Unless other treatments are used in combination with MAT, there is a likelihood that the person will start to, or continue to, use other drugs. I am fond of saying that when I was on Naltrexone and Antabuse, I had (scarily real) thoughts of snorting the little white specs in the carpet. I was so desperate to get high on something.
He’s Bullying Me For Drug Money
Your son is using. If he succeeds in wearing you down with his verbal bullying you will not have the energy and motivation to help engage him into needed treatment. The CRAFT stance: Mom is no longer in your pocket, son. Mom is there for treatment when you’re ready.
Will They Live Long Enough to Get a Shot at Sobriety?
There are definite limits to what a family can do. What a difficult and complicated situation your family is in. To watch two sisters fight and resist critical help when they are obviously in much difficulty has got to be gut wrenching. The question is how to walk the line between protecting them from potential danger while allowing the natural consequences that can lead them to want to make a change.
Come out of the Gray Area
What you describe is a terrible, terrible situation. When drugs and alcohol have taken over, the parent is drawn into the needs of the addiction, blamed when resources come up short, attacked when they refuse to provide the "help" requested.
Why Is My Boundary-Setting Not Working?
Why is it that setting and maintaining boundaries is so difficult to do? Nowhere does this breakdown become more apparent than when we are confronted with life’s difficulties, feeling lost in chaos and despair.
Thank You Allies in Recovery, it Worked!
Annie Highwater offers a mother the tools she learned at Allies in Recovery: CRAFT, and watches in real-time the positive results. The son has checked into treatment. A family’s hope is reignited — during the holidays!
A Love Letter to Allies in Recovery
Wow am I excited to tell you this!! I get messages every day from someone at one point or another along the journey of having a son or daughter who is struggling. One Mom recently wrote to say her son who is an IV Heroin user had just relapsed…
Is Injectable Buprenorphine a Better Alternative?
While the injectable form of Suboxone will deter the problem of people selling their Suboxone pills, the lower frequency of visits makes it harder to follow a patient’s accountability through urine tests and required therapy visits.
5 Healthy Ways to Handle Tough Holiday Situations
I’ve compiled helpful suggestions and tips for handling this time of year, based on difficult holiday seasons I’ve experienced myself, along with wisdom offered by therapists and expert family advocates.
How Can I Intervene from Far Away?
It can be hard to tell over the phone when your son is high. He will probably not slur and you have no visual cues. It is subtle— is he in an unusually good mood and therefore high, or really cranky and therefore probably in withdrawals?
In Addition to the Substances, He’s Gaming All Night…
The combination of the alcohol, pot, and gaming has ruined his first semester at college to the point that he is now forced to take a leave from school. It’s a huge consequence. It also brings up a whole set of questions about how you will address this change in plans.
Allies in Recovery Philosophy Statement
We want to make clear that while at Allies in Recovery we do not see medication as our only goal, we have no wish to stigmatize a treatment plan that includes medication. We are here with a strong, evidence-based training program designed to help family members and others in the community of the Loved One gain the skills they will need.
After Treatment and Relapses Now She’s in Jail
All of this may make you want to give up on treatment. Please don’t. In one study of treatment, it took 4 treatment episodes on average to get any traction into sobriety. It’s hard to do, but every new treatment episode should be looked on as a new day…it has the chance of working.
The Huge Challenge of the Holidays
As the holidays approach, many families and Loved Ones begin to anticipate complicated feelings and situations. As Thanksgiving approaches, Mostlysunny wonders what the CRAFT angle would be on dealing with her 24-yr-old son who suffers from depression and is currently drinking heavily.
We’re Paying for College While He Parties and Plays Video Games
The question of paying for college is indeed a tricky one. Rewards need to be things that can be taken away quickly if and when you see the person is using. That’s hard to do with a college semester.
How to Support Our Daughter as She Moves Back into Parenting
You don’t wake up one morning sober and magically know how to parent. Putting down the drink and drug does not provide you with life skills. It does, however, make you a whole lot more teachable.
If Suicide is a Risk, is CRAFT Still Appropriate?
The talk of suicide is indeed very worrisome and can stop families from allowing natural consequences. The fear is that taking away money, or not answering their phone calls, or leaving them alone when high will lead the Loved One to suicide.