Discussion Blog
Latest Discussion Blog Post
I Did Something Wrong…Right?
We can’t jump to that conclusion just because an interaction is difficult.
Discussion Blog Posts
When Moderation Fails but Brings an “Aha” Moment
Experimenting with moderation may not solve the substance problem, but can often lead to natural consequences that allow your Loved One to see how problematic their use actually is. Here's how one member's husband tried, messed up, and got a wakeup call from someone other than his wife.
She Wants to Give Up & We Want to Help
This family is reeling from their daughter's recent attempt at taking her own life. Many substances are in the mix. Trauma lies underneath. Her daughter is sending signals to back off… should her parents still follow their desire to help?
Everything Feels So Hopeful. When Will the Other Shoe Drop?
After a rough patch, your Loved One seems stronger and more hopeful: it’s all about change talk and new beginnings, finally! Whether it’s the first or the tenth time you've seen this happen, you're understandably worried about relapse. Dominique Simon-Levine lays out "treatment wrapped up in community reinforcement" to keep surfing this wave of recovery.
She Does Great in a Structured Setting. Now She’s Headed Home.
Your Loved One will soon complete court-mandated treatment. When relapse has been the predictable outcome after treatment, how can you set up to handle things differently? What can you put in place now, before they're even released?
I’m Religious About CRAFT but He’s Not Improving
He went to treatment and did incredibly well. He came home and, without sufficient recovery input, quickly relapsed. He’s been getting worse and worse ever since. Can the extreme behavior, the stealing, the disrupted sleep pattern, and severe depression all be chalked up to the addiction? Could he suffer from an underlying, untreated condition?
Enough Lies… Give Me the Truth!
He's doing much better but she still struggles with his dishonesty, past and present. She wonders, is it selfish to expect him to be honest? Could her needs be disrupting his recovery?
When You’re Concerned About Violence Is CRAFT Appropriate?
We regularly hear from members who wonder what level of violence (verbal, phsyical…) is "acceptable" from an addicted Loved One when you're practicing CRAFT. Your safety is paramount, which is why we ask that every Allies member watch Module 2.
After 15 Years, Billy Succumbed
Billy died this month, leaving his mother heartbroken. mlb2t has requested that donations be made to Allies in Recovery in his name — The William John Bertrand Fund has now been set up. If you wish to contribute, please send us a message here.
How Do I Show Him Love When He Avoids Me?
Is your Loved One avoiding you, despite your good intentions? Have communications deteriorated between you? Does it feel like a lost cause? Here are some ideas for gently turning the tide and moving back towards a loving relationship.
I Feel Like I’ve Failed Her
Does it feel like you’ve given years of your life battling your Loved One’s addiction? Have you spent endless energy helping them and making things better for their kids? Do you feel like you’ve failed as a parent or grandparent? Here, Dominique Simon-Levine writes about caring for your Loved One’s kids and following a new light when everything seems lost.
My Loved One Struggles With His Mental Health – Is CRAFT Right For Us?
Our Loved Ones with SUD are generally vulnerable, especially when mental health issues are thrown into the mix. How does mental health fit into the practice of CRAFT? How influential can you be with your Loved One who has co-occurring mental disorders?
When You’re Up Against the Entourage’s Uninformed Influence
He’s back home from detox, on a waiting list for a half-way house. His parents are coddling him and unconsciously enabling his use. Our member, his stepmom, knows they can do better and is willing to help, but she may be at a breaking point, feeling the temptation of giving up on it all.
He Says He’s Not Using, but My Gut Says Otherwise
With the holidays approaching and his situation sinking to new lows, this concerned sister is ready to speak to her brother about his SUD. She's up against denial and accusations of being judgmental, but she's determined to make some headway.
I’m Not Hearing Any Change Talk—Can I Still Bring Up the Drinking?
Is your Loved One downplaying their alcohol or drug use? Even when they say they've got it under control, our gut often says otherwise. If you're not getting any "wishes" or "dips" from them but would still like to encourage them to do some therapy or treatment, here are some tips. The "Planned Conversation" is always an option.
He Still Has the Occasional Beer and I Still Freak Out
This wife doesn't understand why she can't simply rejoice in all the progress her husband has made. He is moderating successfully, and so much has improved in their life. Yet every time he cracks a beer she is triggered. She feels annoyed with him, and wishes she could just go with the flow. Is she overthinking?
My Baby Is 17 & Going Off the Rails – We’ve Tried Everything
This member and his family have gone to great lengths to help their Loved One overcome his cannabis use disorder (CUD). Yet, the use, the dissimulation and the destructive behavior continue to rage. Here, Dominique Simon-Levine shines a light on what recovery from cannabis use in teenagers really looks like.
How Can I Call the Wedding Off Gently?
kam132 is set to get married next month, but her Loved One seems to have a serious problem with alcohol and isn't really addressing it. Does she call the wedding off? How can she use the gentle yet firm stance of CRAFT to shepherd her Loved One towards treatment, without this feeling like a power play?
Compelling Proof that CRAFT Is Working (Even When You’re Not Sure It Is)
Fireweed3 shares words from her daughter: "I just really want to tell you how grateful I am for your continuing love and support throughout the last 6 months. [She had relapsed 6 months prior.] It literally means everything to me…You're so careful not to enable me, but to just LOVE me no matter what, or no matter where I am…I could always feel your strength within me. That's what gave me the courage to say enough is enough, honestly…"
The CRAFT Travel Bag: What You Can Do When Your LO Is Far Away
You want to practice CRAFT but they're thousands of miles away? Read on for guidance on CRAFTy texting, CRAFTy phone calls, and the other essentials for your CRAFT Travel Bag!
It’s Okay Not to Have Hope
We are supposed to have difficult feelings during difficult times, says guest blogger Laurie MacDougall. There is a reason for these feelings, and we can find purpose in them. Laurie shares with us how her “pie in the sky hopes” used to lead her crashing down into hopelessness and how she managed to process her feelings and channel them into genuine positive energy.