Discussion Blog
Latest Discussion Blog Post
Welcome Home! Everyone Here Has Some Beef With You
Tradition is (at least partly) about honoring the past, and holiday traditions are no exception. But some aspects of the past we’d rather just leave there. Others, even years later, can still make us long for resolution. Last year, Allies writer Isabel Cooney received a request from her ex-husband, who struggles with alcohol use, to be with her, their daughters, and Isabel’s parents over Christmas. Her reply, and the experiences that followed, gave Isabel a chance to reflect on all that she’s learned and tried to apply concerning CRAFT.
Discussion Blog Posts
He’s Only Violent When He Uses – Can I Still Follow the Program?
The CRAFT program is designed to reduce friction, to calm things down between you and your Loved One. But any change, even positive loving calming ones, can possibly set off someone who is violent.
Overdose – Who is Responsible?
The advent and availability of Narcan are pushing the responsibility for a Loved One’s behavior onto the family even more. The suggestion that family members should — or can — always be there when a Loved One overdoses is a recipe for long-lasting guilt if the unthinkable does end up happening.
Using Home as a Reward
A Member Question: "As I learn more from the site I understand influencing him toward treatment is a process that takes time…I feel we should jump right to the planned conversation with a shelter as leverage, is that correct?"
Should I Be Paying for College?
"Now, I'm wondering if it was wrong of me to threaten to pull financial support from her for her education. She has always performed very well academically and it's a source of pride and confidence for her. Should I ignore her rule breaking and disrespectful behavior and just focus on addressing the periods of use and non-use? I would appreciate any advice.” – an AiR member
I Can’t Tell When He’s High
For the majority of family members, you’ll have to hone your skills and make an educated guess as to whether or not your Loved One is using. You're going to need to know how react — Yes, she’s high: (disengage, remove rewards, allow natural consequences to occur), or No, she’s not high: (reward).
He Has Relapsed, and He’s Sleeping On My Couch
Your son made it a whole year before relapsing. That’s a huge success. Without knowing a lot more detail about your situation, I’d suggest that you’re going to need to help your son make a plan. Something along these lines …
I’m Afraid of What Could Happen if I Don’t Protect Him
"One of my biggest concerns is…To section or not to section. I can't help but think what if he overdoses or worse and I didn't section him?" — In this post, Dominique Simon-Levine addresses the pro's & con's of Section 35, as well as how fear leads to enabling…
He Won’t Admit He’s Using
An AiR member wrote us, upset about her son: "…I have seen him wasted 3 times in the past 10 days, his eyes rolling and nodding off mid-sentence…And he still wont admit he is using anything." Dominiqe Simon-Levine explains where you can start, in the face of denial.
She’s Headed Home, Now What?
Dominique Simon-Levine responds to AiR member help4t's comment about her daughter's imminent return from an inpatient facility: "From the sound of it, you're ambivalent about your daughter coming home to live with you…."
It’s Really Hard Not to Say Anything When He’s Drunk
"But it’s soooo hard not to be angry or not talk negatively WHILE he's drunk. WHILE he's not doing the things he said he would – like dishes, feeding cats, etc., WHILE he's being inconsistent and angry, raging, irrational, and overly excitable and goofy with the kids."
Are We Enabling if We Don’t Charge Him Rent?
"We are struggling with the line between enabling and support…" an AiR member recently wrote in, with questions about how to handle rent, money and debt with his son who is in early recovery from heroin addiction. Dominique Simon-Levine responds…
I Filed the Section 35 — I Feel Such Relief
"I filed the Section 35 and it is probably the best thing I’ve done. They already had him in custody so they did not have to search for him, and the judge approved the Section 35. My son was transported to the Men's Addiction Treatment Center in Brockton." — An AiR Member shares her story
“I Can’t Seem to Get Out of the Negative Talk”
“It's so hard to have positive talk when I know my husband has been drinking. I can't seem to get out of the negative talk while he's drinking or when he's not (cause I know it won't last long)…."
–An AiR Member
Scared & Hopeful – Thoughts on Our Child’s Early Sobriety
"At [100 days], we found ourselves with fairly high expectations – When will he get a job? Is he progressing through his step work? Does he have a sponsor? Is he going to counseling? ….." An AiR member writes from the heart about his adult son's early recovery.
It’s Not Either/Or … Your Health Counts Just As Much
A parent wrote me recently that it felt like he had PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) from having lived through his son’s active addiction and relapses.
Do You Mind if I Give You a Bit of Advice?
Having a Loved One who struggles with addiction is one of the best ways to attract advice from all directions. Who to listen to? Who to ignore? Dominique Simon-Levine sheds light on this tricky situation.
He’s In Treatment & Doing Well – But Asking for Financial Help
Hurray! Your Loved One is in treatment and doing well. As you’re discovering, the questions and concerns don’t stop when they stop using. Learn which rewards should be avoided in this situation.
How Does AiR Line Up with Al-Anon?
At AiR we agree there is no controlling someone’s substance use, BUT we differ on a crucial point: a family member does have influence. You can create the conditions that promote sobriety and recovery.
What Does It Mean to “Reward” Your Loved One?
A new behavior like sobriety requires your Loved One to go against the grain and reverse their ways. A reward serves as encouragement. A reward provides fuel for their effort.
You’re Invited to a Special Screening of the Film “If Only” in Reading, MA
You are invited to a special screening of the short film "If Only" – the story of two teenage boys who experiment with, and become addicted to opiods. The event is *free of charge* but reservations are required. Click here to reserve your spot.