How Do You Slow Things Down if it Feels Like Your House is on Fire?
Become an agent of change -- by changing yourself. How do you step back, take space, and change the dance of the usual interaction?
Author: Dominique Simon
Dominique launched Allies in Recovery in 2003. Her work has been featured on HBO and NPR. She is a facilitator and a trained speaker on issues of addiction and the family. She has worked extensively developing and evaluating federally-funded substance abuse programs for organizations and clinics throughout Massachusetts and New York. With an interest in recovery and substance abuse that spans 20 years, she sees a huge need to help families develop the skills to help a loved one recover fully in a supportive, whole, and lasting way in their families and in their communities. Her mission is to have Allies in Recovery fill that gap.
Intention vs. Perception
We intend to be supportive, but aren’t always perceived that way. How do you hear when they feel upset, and shift back into connection?
What’s a Functional Analysis?
"Functional analysis" means figuring out what’s happening around a behavior, to go from reactive to having choice and influence.
Rupture and Repair
Some relationship moments feel like huge rifts. They’re opportunities to show you’re changing, becoming someone safe for them to come to.
Well-Worn Sayings
Do common sayings hold truth? We look at “hitting rock bottom,” and starting with one day. Both need slowing down, being in the moment.
Consistent Practice vs. “One-Offs”
Don't just use CRAFT now and then. Learn one thing at a time, one day at a time. Practice the skills consistently, and change can happen.
Victim Stance: The “Why Me?” Episode
Feeling victimized means you're being passive. Shift focus--you have agency and control, and you're responsible for yourself and your care.
Do They “Have to Want It?”
Do people "have to want" recovery? Reality is more complicated. We can give options, be open to process, and change our own behavior.
What Does It Mean to Be an Ally?
Being an ally means stepping up, learning to see chances to be a change agent -- for slow, methodical change.
You Don’t Have to Be Perfect
Embrace "beginner's mind"; make mistakes and learn; practice until the tools become automatic. Remember that change happens incrementally.