Rupture and Repair
Some relationship moments feel like huge rifts. They’re opportunities to show you’re changing, becoming someone safe for them to come to.
Author: Dominique Simon
Dominique launched Allies in Recovery in 2003. Her work has been featured on HBO and NPR. She is a facilitator and a trained speaker on issues of addiction and the family. She has worked extensively developing and evaluating federally-funded substance abuse programs for organizations and clinics throughout Massachusetts and New York. With an interest in recovery and substance abuse that spans 20 years, she sees a huge need to help families develop the skills to help a loved one recover fully in a supportive, whole, and lasting way in their families and in their communities. Her mission is to have Allies in Recovery fill that gap.
Well-Worn Sayings
Do common sayings hold truth? We look at “hitting rock bottom,” and starting with one day. Both need slowing down, being in the moment.
Consistent Practice vs. “One-Offs”
Don't just use CRAFT now and then. Learn one thing at a time, one day at a time. Practice the skills consistently, and change can happen.
Victim Stance: The “Why Me?” Episode
Feeling victimized means you're being passive. Shift focus--you have agency and control, and you're responsible for yourself and your care.
Do They “Have to Want It?”
Do people "have to want" recovery? Reality is more complicated. We can give options, be open to process, and change our own behavior.
What Does It Mean to Be an Ally?
Being an ally means stepping up, learning to see chances to be a change agent -- for slow, methodical change.
You Don’t Have to Be Perfect
Embrace "beginner's mind"; make mistakes and learn; practice until the tools become automatic. Remember that change happens incrementally.
Building Your CRAFT Muscle
Begin with considering what you need to do. This leads to self-care, changing you, but also allowing your loved one new possibilities. Building Your C…
What Do You Do When You’ve Hit the Wall?
Emotions feel unmanageable? Step back. State them briefly, then take care of yourself. Give yourself compassion and patience.
Handling the Call Saying Treatment Is Terrible
You get a call: treatment is bad, and they want to leave. Hold the line. Tell them they can get something good from the situation.