Photo credit: NY Times Magazine
You can find them in every state in the country: grandparents raising grandchildren in the absence of the children’s parents. Their numbers reached 2.4 million in 2024. But behind the statistic are millions of individual stories of struggle and joy, soul-searching and astonishing resilience. A May 18 New York Times Magazine essay brings one of these stories to life from within.
As parents, Jane and Michael Dodds thought they were in the home stretch. Four of their five children had reached adulthood, and the fifth was already sixteen. All were doing well. A new phase of their lives was about to begin.
Was it ever.
One of their daughters, identified in the article only as “L,” began to struggle with substance use, depression, and abusive relationships. She began having unprotected sex—and gave birth to four children (two of them twins) over the next two years.
L’s troubles went from bad to worse, and soon she turned to her parents for help with the children. In short order, it was clear to Jane and Michael that L was currently unable to provide for the needs and safety of her still very young children. They went on caring for them in L’s absence, and eventually—after years of shattered hopes for her recovery—sought and gained permanent legal custody.
In raising their children’s children, the Dodds joined the ranks of millions of grandparents across the United States. Of course gaining custody was far from the end of the journey. Indeed, that journey is very much ongoing today, as Jane and Michael begin their sixties with the children still at home.
The whole story, spanning three generations of this North Carolina family, is beautifully told by another of their children, Frances Dodd, for The New York Times Magazine. Of course the saga is heart-wrenching, but it’s also instructive. The physical and practical toll of 46 years of continual parenting is one thing. The emotional cost is perhaps greater still. Frances Dodd write, “My parents began settling into painful acceptance… [but] living with sacrifice was passive. Children need to be wanted, with the boundless devotion of parental love.” As James Dodd explains, the only path to happiness was to go all-in.
The article packs in an astonishing amount of hard-earned wisdom. It’s a unique window into this aspect of the substance use crisis, and it’s sure to touch your heart.
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/05/18/magazine/grandparents-families-children-kids.html
