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Learn About the Antidotes to Shame

chaucer-2 January 20, 2016
Shame Addiction Intervention Allies in Recovery

Shame Addiction Intervention Allies in RecoveryIllustration © Eleonor Davis

Shame is So Dangerous It Requires an Antidote

In our last post, Why Shame is Not Your Friend, we talked about how shame, the intensely painful feeling that we are unworthy of love and belonging, can fuel addiction and also hold us back as the parent, spouse, friend, or child of someone with an addiction problem.

Last time, we invited you to contemplate shame and the impact it may be having on your life and the life of your loved one. You may have taken some time to write down the situations that trigger shame for you personally, and how you feel and react when you are in the midst of a shame spiral.

Dr. Brené Brown Gives Us the Keys to Combatting Shame

In this next video, shame and vulnerability researcher Brené Brown shares the number one antidote to shame and talks about three things you can do to break the spiral:

1.  Talking to yourself like you talk to someone you love

2.  Reaching out to someone you trust

3.  Telling your story

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thinking About What You Will Do to Eradicate this Destructive Emotion

After watching the video, get a pen & paper or your private journal, and consider how you can implement Brown’s suggestions in your own life.

  • What negative things do you tell yourself that you would never say to someone else?
  • Is there someone – a friend, family member, therapist, spiritual guide or religious figure – you can trust and talk to when you are in the midst of a shame spiral? Someone who will have empathy and not judge or gossip? Write down the names of those you trust and can turn to.
  • The next time you find yourself suffering from shame, what positive steps can you take to alleviate the suffering? Will you call, email, or visit one of the people on your list? What are some of the ways you can have empathy for yourself? Can you take a hot bath, go for a walk, or treat yourself to a walk or massage? Record your ideas so that you can refer back to them.

Join our Member Site today to take full advantage of Allies in Recovery’s program, including 8 video modules, three blogs, and dialogue with experts in the field of treatment and recovery. Learn more here.

Categories: Sanctuary, Self-Care for the Family Member
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Al-Anon, AlAnon, Allies in Recovery, Addiction, Dominique Simon-Levine, Dominique Simon Levine, CRAFT method, Family Treatment Program, Intervention, Intervention approach, Interventionist, SUD, Opiate, Opiods, Treatment, Treatment for Addiction, Alcoholism, Recovery, Hazelden Betty Ford, Treatment Center, Support for Family, Family Support Group, IOP, Intensive Outpatient Program, Learn to Cope, The Addicts Mom, TAM, Support Group, Bob Meyers, Parent CRAFT, Annie Highwater, Unhooked, Laurie MacDougall, Substance Abuse, Alcohol, ACOA, Adult Children of Alcoholics, Parent of Addicted Child, Parent of Addict, Co-dependent parent, Alcoholic, Alcoholics Anonymous, CODA, Codependents Anonymous, Opiod Epidemic, Opiate Epidemic, Narcotics Anonymous, NA, marijuana, pot, weed, heroin, coke, crack, cocaine, painkillers, narcan, barbituates, manipulate, manipulation, manipulative, divided house, family relations, support groups, mental health, bipolar, Elliot, goals, focus, Recovery, addiction recovery, Laurie MacDougall, Annie Highwater

Podcast: “CRAFT! Where Have You Been All My Life?”

In today’s podcast, Annie and Laurie welcome Allies in Recovery founder, Dominique Simon-Levine, to explain the CRAFT method for helping families support an addicted loved one into treatment and through recovery. They share their personal experiences in implementing the CRAFT methodology and why it became their ‘strategy of choice’ not only in helping their addicted loved one, but also in looking after their own well-being.

AlliesInRecovery May 30, 2017
Stress

Reaching Level 10 Stress…and Stepping Away

The long-term stress I experienced caused me to become very forgetful, hasty in my decisions, confused and socially awkward. I also noticed that during that time of my life I became very clumsy. It became obvious to me that I was heading for a crash if I didn’t get ahead of my stress. I knew I had to develop different responses. I knew that I didn’t want addiction, terror and chaos calling the shots anymore.

annieunhooked May 12, 2017
Dandelion - Hope

Is Your Hope at the Mercy of Others?

Through recovery work, I have learned to stop expecting people to be different and to reduce the frustration that comes from trying to cause a person to get better, or trying to mold them into how I think they should be (even if it’s reasonable). When I put these demands and expectations down, I can love people for who they actually are.

annieunhooked April 3, 2017
Shame - Blame

You Oughta Be Ashamed of Yourself!

Positive reinforcement, as basic and childlike as that sounds, is a motivating force for progress. Speaking to someone’s goodness despite their wrong choices unlocks their worth. “You’re not a bad person, you’re just headed in a bad direction.” Or maybe “You shouldn’t be ashamed of yourself, maybe just aware of faulty patterns so you can choose different ones.” That’s a great way to start motivating someone. Versus, “I told you so, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.”

annieunhooked March 23, 2017
Woman by Ocean

What I Did to Get Better

If I’m out at a party at a friend’s house, staying present in the party, in the moment, and enjoying every single moment with them, because that’s where I’m at right now … [this] helped me to have some joy and love right then, in that moment …

Laurie MacDougall March 7, 2017

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