Become a member of Allies in Recovery and we’ll teach you how to intervene, communicate and guide your loved one toward treatment.Become a member of Allies in Recovery today.

Setting Boundaries With Difficult People: What Works and What Doesn’t

rredick July 16, 2024
Photo credit: Raphael Loquellano

Why are boundaries such a challenge to get right? Part of the problem comes from unrealistic expectations, both of ourselves and of the person involved with our boundary-setting. The challenge is magnified when the other person is prone to anger, argumentation, victimhood, or other difficult responses. In this great article on PsychCentral.com, Dr. Lynn Margolies reviews the pitfalls and proven effective strategies for setting boundaries with difficult people. Fortunately for all of us, what works isn’t overly complex.

Whether it’s a spouse, a child, a co-worker or that old classmate who looked you up on Instagram, sooner or later we all have to set boundaries with someone. It’s a safe bet, moreover, that if the boundary’s necessary, it’s because the person in question is in some way a tough one for us to interact with. In those situations, it’s especially important that we arm ourselves with knowledge of what does and doesn’t tend to produce good results.

The good news is that psychological practice and hard data can now offer us clear pointers. Some of these—like the need to make “I” statements rather than telling others what to do, and the importance of avoiding guilt trips or pressuring the other to admit fault—will feel familiar to anyone with a background in CRAFT. But all of these tips ring true. Margolies not only offers a list but explains why each approach tends to work or fail. The article concludes with a set of model situations, with examples of more and less effective boundary-setting strategies for each. It’s a great companion to the boundary information in our CRAFT Lesson Modules (especially Modules 6 and 7) and discussions of boundaries elsewhere on this Allies site.

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-set-boundaries-with-difficult-people

Tagged: , , , ,
Loading
rredick

Related Posts from "Sanctuary"

When Song, Faith, and Joy are Enough

The full name of the song is “Ndikhokhele Bawo,” which means “Lead me, Father” in Xhosa. These South African youths, assembled in their school’s courtyard, transform their place of learning into a concert hall with nothing more than the power of their voices. But it’s their spirit of joy and solidarity that lifts the beautiful into the realm of the sublime.

rredick April 30, 2024

Learning About Depression. And Fighting Back.

Forty percent of Americans will suffer a major depressive episode at some point in their lives. Five percent of the world’s population is suffering from it at any given time. It’s a disease that’s too often misunderstood—when it’s not overlooked entirely. Recovery writer Annie Highwater offers this primer on the many forms depression can take, and the variety of paths available for dealing with it.

annieunhooked April 23, 2024

IFS: Embracing and Listening to Our Multiple Selves

“Most of the world’s problems arise from a misunderstanding about parts and burdens,” Dr. Richard Schwartz asserts. In IFS, which he founded, the “parts” are our multiple internal selves, and the burdens are the trauma and wounds they try to manage on our behalf. The simple but radical proposition of IFS is that these multiple selves arise for good reasons and have a lot to offer—if we can help them change with the seasons of our lives.

rredick February 6, 2024

Dr. Gabor Maté: The Power of Addiction, the Addiction to Power

Across four decades of work on issues of trauma, addiction, childhood development, stress, and illness, Dr. Gabor Maté has become an internationally recognized thinker, author, and public speaker. But his brilliance is only one side of the coin. The other side, evident in all his remarks, is profound compassion. In this TED talk, both qualities are on full display.

rredick November 7, 2023

Using ChatGPT To Fight Depression: Some Creative Ideas

ChatGPT is not a living mind, let alone a therapist. It is, however, proving to be an immensely useful online assistant for people across the world. Little wonder that professionals and others are finding ways to apply its powers of information gathering and synthesis to the challenge of living with depression. This article offers one emotion expert’s tips on how ChatGPT and related technology might be able to shoulder a bit of that burden.

rredick October 24, 2023

Dating Someone With Depression: A Brief Guide

More than one quarter of U.S. adults report having been diagnosed with depression at some point in their lives. The disease makes life challenging in all kinds of ways, and relationships are no exception. For partners of those suffering depression, the inability to “fix” the other’s condition can be difficult and frustrating. But even though we can’t cure our partners’ depression, we can learn skills that strengthen our relationships and make them more fulfilling for both parties.

rredick September 26, 2023

Out of the Mouths of Babes (and Comedians)

Comedian DJ Pryor says that he’s always spoken to his children (even when they were toddlers) as if they could understand his every word. The approach seems to be working with 15-month-old Kingston, who holds detailed conversations with his dad. Sure, it’s in a language known only to the two of them, but that hasn’t stopped the world from being charmed.

rredick June 28, 2023
0 Comments

“I’m In Recovery, But I’m Not Recovered.” Jamie Lee Curtis Opens Up About Her Struggle With Opioids

“To call yourself an alcoholic or a drug addict is a badge of honor,” the actress says. Jamie Lee Curtis is one of Hollywood’s most well-known actresses, but for years she kept her struggle with opioid use a secret. In this brief but extremely candid interview, she describes her journey from heavy use to recovery, and the turning points that she credits with saving her life.

Dominique Simon March 1, 2023
0 Comments

“Lipstick and Cocaine”: In Kaz Hawkins’ Wrenching Song, Love Proves Stronger Than Both Hate and Addiction

“You can do this, you can do this. Just one more fight.” Northern Irish singer Kaz Hawkins had lived a long time with abuse when her then-partner slit her throat and left her for dead. “Lipstick and Cocaine,” the song she wrote in the aftermath of the incident, pulls no punches. And that makes the tale of survival and recovery it sketches all the more powering.

rredick December 14, 2022
0 Comments

Combatting That Morning Dread: Brené Brown on Courage, Vulnerability, Empathy and Self-Worth

“Don’t walk through the world looking for evidence that you don’t belong, because you’ll always find it.” Professor Brené Brown delivers a powerful statement about the nature of courage, and how it can’t exist without an embrace of uncertainty and vulnerability. At the same time, she makes a passionate case for self-affirmation. Her message is one of challenge, promise, and hope.

Dominique Simon July 13, 2022
0 Comments