Setting Boundaries With Difficult People: What Works and What Doesn’t
Photo credit: Raphael Loquellano
Why are boundaries such a challenge to get right? Part of the problem comes from unrealistic expectations, both of ourselves and of the person involved with our boundary-setting. The challenge is magnified when the other person is prone to anger, argumentation, victimhood, or other difficult responses. In this great article on PsychCentral.com, Dr. Lynn Margolies reviews the pitfalls and proven effective strategies for setting boundaries with difficult people. Fortunately for all of us, what works isn’t overly complex.
Whether it’s a spouse, a child, a co-worker or that old classmate who looked you up on Instagram, sooner or later we all have to set boundaries with someone. It’s a safe bet, moreover, that if the boundary’s necessary, it’s because the person in question is in some way a tough one for us to interact with. In those situations, it’s especially important that we arm ourselves with knowledge of what does and doesn’t tend to produce good results.
The good news is that psychological practice and hard data can now offer us clear pointers. Some of these—like the need to make “I” statements rather than telling others what to do, and the importance of avoiding guilt trips or pressuring the other to admit fault—will feel familiar to anyone with a background in CRAFT. But all of these tips ring true. Margolies not only offers a list but explains why each approach tends to work or fail. The article concludes with a set of model situations, with examples of more and less effective boundary-setting strategies for each. It’s a great companion to the boundary information in our CRAFT Lesson Modules (especially Modules 6 and 7) and discussions of boundaries elsewhere on this Allies site.
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-set-boundaries-with-difficult-people
