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If You’ve Got Pen & Paper, You’ve Got Power

This post originally appeared on our member site Sanctuary, which is full of original material written and gathered to help our members take a breather, learn about self-care, and otherwise relax. The article gives you a great peek at some of the numerous benefits of joining the Allies in Recovery community, and explores the real benefits of writing, especially for the family of an addicted loved one.

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The Health Benefits

One of the unique and important features of the Allies in Recovery site is the Private Journal we offer our members. As you work through the video modules, read our articles, and enjoy the Sanctuary, you will notice that we regularly encourage you to record your reactions and thoughts in your Private Journal and in the Key Observations.

Some of the questions we ask you to consider as you work through the Allies in Recovery program are…What triggers your loved one’s use? What rewards does your loved one most appreciate? And finally, what do you feel, think and do when your loved one is using?

This is not merely a rote exercise. A number of studies have shown that writing regularly in a journal can improve both mental and physical health. As Dr. Steven Stosny writes at Psychology Today, journaling has many benefits.

“Journaling can have a positive effect on your behavior and well being,” writes Stosny, if it…

  • Makes you step back and evaluate your thoughts, emotions, and behavior
  • Explores solutions
  • Brings your emotions and motivations into alignment with your deepest values
  • Converts negative energy into positive creativity and growth
  • Lowers your emotional reactivity to others
  • Increases tolerance of ambiguity, ambivalence, and unpredictability, which are part of normal living
  • Helps you see other people’s perspectives alongside your own
  • Makes you feel more humane
  • Helps you take a definite course of action.

But, as Stosny details, if writing makes you live too much in your head, encourages self-obsession, wallowing in negativity, or is a vehicle of blame instead of a tool for solutions, you will not experience the same benefits.

 

Using the Tools on the Allies in Recovery Website

The Allies in Recovery journal, as well as the Track Your Progress and Key Observation features, are all tools to help you step back, assess your feelings, and capture important discoveries, so that you can begin to encourage real change in yourself and the relationship with your loved one.

The best way to care for your loved one is to care for yourself. Devoting time to writing and self-evaluation is a key part of the recovery process. It is not selfish to devote time to this practice. Just the opposite, in fact.

When was the last time you “tracked your progress” on the Allies in Recovery site or recorded your private thoughts in your journal after watching a video module or reading a sanctuary post?

Not using these helpful tools is a lot like reading a how-to book on knitting without ever picking up yarn or knitting needles. It is not enough to simply read about change. You must take action if you want real change in your life and the life of your loved one.

 

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Photo by Mild Mannered Photographer via Compfight

Why Me?

You may be thinking, “But why should I be the one to do all of this work? It is my husband or child or parent who is the real problem.”

It is true. You didn’t cause the problem, and your loved one’s actions and consequences are their own responsibility. But as a concerned family member, you are not a helpless victim.

Studies show that you can play a crucial role in recovery by improving communication, rewarding non-use, and stepping away when use occurs (the process we call CRAFT).

Conflict inevitably plays out in the home. Your role in this family dynamic can either encourage or discourage recovery. Which would you rather do?

Our goal at Allies in Recovery is to give you the tools you need to encourage this positive change. You are not to blame for your loved one’s addiction, but you have the power to influence the situation and to reduce suffering. Completing the Key Observations, for example, is an important opportunity to critically assess your loved one’s behavior and to make an action plan. Journaling about your feelings is not only good for you, but also good for your loved one. Self-care and pro-activeness take energy and effort. Are you giving these activities the attention they deserve?

 

Journal Exercise

When you think about your loved one’s addiction issues, what feelings arise? Do you feel sad, angry, discouraged, hopeful, hopeless? Record these feelings in your journal.

Do you truly believe that you can have a positive influence over your loved one and help them towards recovery? If so, what tools and skills have you learned, through Allies in Recovery or elsewhere, that will help you in this process? What techniques are working? What areas still need attention?

If you do not feel you can encourage change in your loved one, what negative feelings or beliefs are standing in your way?

Think of one area of repeated conflict with your loved one. (Perhaps you have the same fight each time your loved one comes home drunk, for example.) How might you respond differently the next time a similar conflict arises? Are there tools on the Allies in Recovery site that might help you become more positive and proactive and shift this conflict so that it doesn’t follow the usual negative script? Perhaps you can watch our module on communication, ask a question on the blog, or complete a relevant section of the Key Observations?

Write down one positive action step you can take today to shift your relationship with your loved one.

A membership at Allies in Recovery brings you into contact with experts in the fields of recovery and treatment for drug and alcohol issues. Our learning platform introduces you to CRAFT and guides you through the best techniques for unblocking the situation. Together we will move your loved one towards recovery. Learn more here.

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ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (AA World Services, Inc.) Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other, that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism. This is an informational website for anyone interested in learning more about their organization, 12-step program of recovery, and how to find local meetings. PHONE: 212.870.3400 Click here for Online AA Meetings What is AA? What to Expect in an AA Meeting  What is Anonymity in AA?  AA INTERGROUP ONLINE MEETING FINDER IN THE ROOMS In The Rooms offers over 150+ weekly live online meetings, a variety 12-Step and Non-12- Step Fellowships, and Specialty meetings. Some of our most popular meetings are AA, NA, ACA, Al-Anon, and Nar-Anon meetings, and much more. In The Rooms has 69 live online AA meetings weekly, so there’s bound to be one that fits your schedule! We have specialty AA meetings too, like AA Pride (LGBTQ). We also have an Agnostic AA meeting, if you’re seeking a meeting without a secular approach to recovery. We have 30 NA meetings on ITR weekly. Like AA, there’s also an NA Pride meeting (LGBTQ) and an Agnostic NA meeting. For support for the family, friends, and allies of those in recovery, In The Rooms has both Al-Anon and Nar-Anon meetings, which each meeting, 1-3 times a week. We also have many other 12-step fellowship groups, like Gamblers Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, and Sex Addicts Anonymous, CODA, Dual Diagnosis, and much more. If you can think of a Recovery fellowship, we probably have it.  FULL LISTING of LIVE VIRTUAL/ONLINE MEETINGS  12Step.Org We strive to provide information, tools, and resources for working a 12 Step program (or any program using 12 step principles for recovery) in as simple and effective way as possible. Online Meeting Calendar Online Video Meetings Phone Meetings Forums, Text Chats, and Email Meetings List RECOVERY DHARMA Recovery Dharma is a peer-led movement and community that is unified by our trust in the potential of each of us to recover and find freedom from the suffering of addiction. We believe that the traditional Buddhist teachings, often referred to as…

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Boundaries and Rewards: Tips on Using CRAFT

An Allies in Recovery member is encountering difficulties with removing rewards and holding boundaries. They’re asking their loved one to leave when he’s drinking, but he simply refuses! In this post, we offer a little refresher on rewards – when to use them, and what kinds – as part of the Community Reinforcement and Family Training (CRAFT) approach that we teach you on our website.

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An Allies in Recovery member wrote in with this bittersweet account. She shares with us her daughter’s words and feelings, confirming that she clearly felt Mom’s love, respect and support… even when Mom felt she might be holding too tightly to her boundaries and thus damaging their bond. The bitter note is that her daughter recently returned to the drugs and to the bad-boy boyfriend, also an opiate user. If you’d like to read some compelling proof that CRAFT is working, even when you’re not sure it is, read on…

The Power of Language

Laurie MacDougall discusses the dramatic impact that language has on our discussions of Substance Use Disorder. Let’s work together to reduce stigma, improve access to treatment, and embrace a more humane approach to our loved ones’ struggles – all with the words we choose.

Drug Testing at Home?

Guest blogger, Laurie MacDougall responds to a member explaining what she and her husband did when they let their son move back home to work on his recovery. They created a structure of boundaries that he had to abide by in order to live in their home.

I Have no Patience Left

The courts failed to enforce treatment for her daughter, once out of jail. Now her daughter’s life is a real mess. Take a look at how Dominique Simon-Levine lays out an approach to help this family member stay on track.

My Son’s Drug is Meth

She knows her son needs help, but he often disappears for long stretches of time right after he starts opening up to her. Read on for Dominique Simon-Levine’s insights as she lays out some important considerations for this situation.

Relapse and Job Loss

Her son is struggling with withdrawals from a recent relapse. As the family anticipates another job loss, and possibly more, this mom wonders how to proceed. CRAFT examines key considerations for this sensitive time.

He’s Angry And Pushing us Away

They began to implement CRAFT guidelines when he comes home high, trying new gestures and rewards to connect with him when he’s sober. Their son however, is defiant and angry with his parents, rejecting any kind gestures. He uses pot daily, misses school, and doesn’t see his use as a problem.

I Fear Pushing Him Back to Heroin

She has successfully used CRAFT taught on our member site to help her son into treatment for heroin addiction. He is now 9 months out and has not relapsed…but he is at home, and mom worries about his pot use and fleeting motivation, despite his continued visits to a therapist.

At Allies, We Believe…

For some individuals, medication can be an important complementary aid in recovery. At Allies in Recovery, we have no wish to stigmatize a treatment plan that includes medication. But here’s what we believe is of equal importance for helping a Loved One who struggles with addiction…

Our Strategy Is No Longer Working

They’ve always opened their home to him when he’s trying to get clean but he has now started taking advantage of his parents. He is getting high in their house, stealing from them, enjoying a warm bed and food while using. He’s not really interested in going into treatment. He knows what he needs to say to get through the door.

How Exactly Does This Website Help Families?

Allies’ founder and director, Dominique Simon-Levine, responds to questions from our Content Editor about the Key Observation exercises in our eLearning Center. This Q & A provides a clear explanation about how important these exercises are and how they help families understand their loved one’s addiction in order to successfully guide them to treatment.