How Do You Acknowledge Use Without Accusation?

Dominique Simon September 15, 2023

Graphic Design by Lizabeth Laroche

A listener asks how to acknowledge a loved one’s use without accusation. How can you be assertive without denial, without engaging in the same old patterns and conversations? It’s about avoiding reactivity and regulating your system, planning your communication in advance. Aggression and passivity are products of reactivity. Aim for the middle ground of stating the facts and speaking from a calm place, which gives you more power — over yourself, over your emotions, and over your interactions. You are yourself a tool for behavior change — stepping out to create discomfort, and stepping in to give support and encouragement when things are good.

Dominique Simon

Dominique launched Allies in Recovery in 2003. Her work has been featured on HBO and NPR. She is a facilitator and a trained speaker on issues of addiction and the family. She has worked extensively developing and evaluating federally-funded substance abuse programs for organizations and clinics throughout Massachusetts and New York. With an interest in recovery and substance abuse that spans 20 years, she sees a huge need to help families develop the skills to help a loved one recover fully in a supportive, whole, and lasting way in their families and in their communities. Her mission is to have Allies in Recovery fill that gap.

What Are the Three Questions?

When you’re in the middle of crisis, feeling reactive or uncertain about what to do, use the “three questions” to helps create space and time and take the best action. What am I feeling? What can I do about it (think as broadly as possible)? What am I actually gonna do? Kayla likes to consider a fourth: What’s happening that’s making me feel this way?

Dominique Simon April 19, 2024

Graphic Design by Lizabeth Laroche

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