Handling It All

Photo credit: intherooms.com

The Greek philosopher Epictetus isn’t as well-known as Socrates or Plato, but one of his most celebrated ideas—that every event has two handles, and the choice of which to grab is essential—has inspired thinkers for twenty centuries. Writer and recovery enthusiast Annie Highwater applies this idea to the emotional stresses and challenges we face in contemporary life. It’s both a wise and a compassionate point of view.

Every event has two handles.

The idea originates from the ancient Stoic philosopher Epictetus. It suggests that every situation or event in life can be approached in two distinct ways. The handle we choose to grab can greatly impact our response, mindset and outcome.

The two handles

The first handle represents the obvious, immediate and often emotional response to a situation. This handle is often driven by our first feelings and reactions. If the situation is a fraught or negative one, grabbing this first handle can lead to a negative or unproductive outcome.

The second handle, by contrast, represents a more thoughtful, reflective, and often more constructive approach. This handle encourages us to look beyond the immediate circumstances and consider the bigger picture: our values, our goals, and the purposes we are striving for. Learning to grasp this handle is a more intentional way to navigate our lives.

Choosing the best

Epictetus suggested conditioning ourselves to choose the second handle, the one that allows us to approach situations in a more rational and constructive way.

The second handle is not always easy to grab, however. It requires us to pause, reflect, and consider our actions (and possible consequences and results) before responding. We’re often better off when we let this bigger-picture handle take priority over surging feelings, including our real or perceived rights to deal with people and situations in authoritative ways (doing so might be appropriate sometimes, but not all the time).

Examples and applications

• When faced with a difficult conversation, rudeness, or offensive behavior, we can choose to grab the handle of anger and react impulsively; or we can take a step back, breathe, and approach the situation with empathy and understanding. We can grab for the second handle and, while maintaining respect for ourselves, approach with care and intention.
• If facing a challenging situation at work, we can choose to grab the handle of frustration and become overwhelmed; or we can pause, take a deep breath, assess the situation, and search out possible solutions.
• When faced with a personal setback, we can choose to grab the handle of despair, obsessing and ruminating on all that is problematic and unfair. We can become stuck there, sometimes for years. Or we can grab the handle of resilience, do a deep inner dive to examine our patterns and personal issues, tend to our feelings, gather strength and wisdom, set goals, and make the best we can of the experience.

Of course, not every such choice is cut and dry. We are going to make mistakes, especially in emotionally charged situations, or when conflict is raging toward us from within another person.

Even then, however, we have choices. Practicing the pause, choosing peace and wisdom in conversations, responding with intention rather than reacting from our first thoughts: all these are helpful when it comes to managing something painful or profoundly difficult.

Two handles. It’s a powerful reminder that our responses to life’s challenges are critical. We have the power to choose how we approach each situation. By training ourselves to reach for the best handle, we can transform our outcomes and live a more peaceful, fulfilling life.

Peace is possible, one handle at a time. Hope you are “handling” it all well.

Annie