Sometimes we can see the likely future: our Loved One returns to the shelter of home, hides away in their room, and simply doesn’t get the treatment they need to make progress with their SUD. Allies’ member HelenBo doesn’t want to see that happen with her son, who is struggling with heroin and other substances. What other housing options will he have upon release? As Laurie MacDougall writes, there are often more than we realize. At the same time, such transitions are critical moments for our Loved Ones. Having a list of specific housing and treatment options at hand—along with the CRAFT skills to communicate about them effectively—can make all the difference.
Having expectations for others can be a difficult trap. When we have ideas about how things should go, we often try to manifest those expectations and have other people do what we want them to do. Instead, learn to manage your nervous system, to calm yourself and have tools to make requests of others. Be careful not to superimpose your expectations on others — it might not be what they want, need, or are able to do. That needs to be okay. Learn to give people room to create their own expectations for themselves.
We’ve all heard the argument: cut the cord. Let them sink to rock bottom. They’ve made their bed; now they have to lie in it. Recently, Allies member erinlewis was offered this sort of advice concerning her teenage son. Data and experience have shown that such an approach is usually the wrong one for our Loved Ones—but maintaining a connection doesn’t mean that anything goes. Laurie MacDougall walks us through a CRAFT-informed approach to self-care, boundaries, and the balancing act of connection and accountability.
Alex Ribbentrop joins the Allies in Recovery hosts to discuss intergenerational trauma, substance use, the importance of family, and finding connection. Alex is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Qualified Supervisor, EMDR Trained Clinician, and Certified Family Trauma Professional, practicing in Virginia, Maryland, and Florida.
Anger evolved with the human brain. Though it may not seem so today, its original function was to keep us safe. Unfortunately, for most of us, anger is a deeply unpleasant experience, one that can damage our relationships and sense of wellbeing. The good news is that we can change this dynamic. This article offers a science-based guide to regulating anger and returning it to its constructive purpose.
No one wants a Loved One to suffer. No one wants a Loved One to relapse. But in our worry about such possibilities, we can stumble into behaviors that stand in the way of change—behaviors that make problematic substance use easier for our Loved Ones than it otherwise would be. Fortunately, CRAFT can help us learn to offer support within our chosen boundaries: the kind of support that truly encourages progress.
How do you handle that difficult time when your loved one comes home from treatment, and is back in an old environment, complete with old triggers? It can be a time of depression and anxiety. Think about reconnection — being present and engaged, making things fun when you can, and using the CRAFT communication tools to leave doors open.
If you’ve worked your way through Allies’ eLearning Modules, you’re already familiar with the concept: when our Loved One (LO) is using, we remove rewards and allow for natural consequences. When they’re not using, we reward them right away. But as member BRIGHTSIDE has been finding, the real-life timing can be a challenge. Laurie MacDougall reviews the fundamentals of this process, and shares ideas for getting creative when the lines seem blurred.
Enmeshment is a blurring of the boundaries between people. How the other person feels affects you intensely. Enmeshment is one-way — your thoughts, feelings, and choices are about the other person’s well-being. Countering enmeshment means checking in with ourselves, calming our systems down, taking pauses, and allowing the other person the dignity of their own process. You can learn to listen and make reasonable requests and develop a healthier kind of connection.
Over 30 million people in the United States live with an eating disorder. Some of these conditions are life threatening, but even the least severe cases are detrimental. Young people, especially girls, are particularly at risk. That’s why we were so pleased to discover a nonprofit support and information organization called F.E.A.S.T.
It’s a welcome endorsement of the effectiveness and solid track record of Allies in Recovery: recognition by a trusted journal as one of the 10 best companies dedicated to addiction recovery in the United States.
What questions should you ask, and what plans should you make if your loved one is coming home? Dominique and Kayla discuss a family’s question about a new living situation.
Like many of us who have Loved Ones struggling with SUD, Allies member Binnie knows that trust is a delicate matter. Can we trust our Loved Ones to take care of themselves? Do we believe they have the capacity? Or do we think they’re so damaged that they can’t function without our stepping in? Isabel Cooney reflects on how trust is explored in a recent Allies podcast, and offers her own insightful take on this vital subject.
What’s the impact of emotions on how we interact with loved ones? Learn to acknowledge, claim, and identify your emotions. Don’t discuss anything when you’re reactive. Instead, pause, check in with your feelings, and don’t take things personally. Have a strategy that’s not confrontational or accusing, but engaging. Calm your system and engage in a way that you can feel good about. Hopefully this will reverberate with your loved one and create change over time.
The full name of the song is “Ndikhokhele Bawo,” which means “Lead me, Father” in Xhosa. These South African youths, assembled in their school’s courtyard, transform their place of learning into a concert hall with nothing more than the power of their voices. But it’s their spirit of joy and solidarity that lifts the beautiful into the realm of the sublime.
Oregon has just rescinded Measure 110, the historic law that decriminalized possession of small amounts of hard drugs. But the reasoning behind the rollback is muddled. As guest author Christina Dent reveals, M110 took the blame for spikes in lethal overdoses, homelessness, and public drug use, none of which it likely caused. Rather, she argues that the law represented a small but important step forward. In the effort to end the drug crisis, its repeal is a loss.
When the noise dissipates and there’s clarity, that’s an “ah-ha moment.” You can move forward in a different way. You might even find new commitment to a way of thinking or behaving that you didn’t have access to before. Allies in Recovery uses CRAFT to give you the tool set for your own ah-ha moments, but also to help create the conditions for your loved one to find their own moments and possibilities for long-term change.
Forty percent of Americans will suffer a major depressive episode at some point in their lives. Five percent of the world’s population is suffering from it at any given time. It’s a disease that’s too often misunderstood—when it’s not overlooked entirely. Recovery writer Annie Highwater offers this primer on the many forms depression can take, and the variety of paths available for dealing with it.
When you’re in the middle of crisis, feeling reactive or uncertain about what to do, use the “three questions” to helps create space and time and take the best action. What am I feeling? What can I do about it (think as broadly as possible)? What am I actually gonna do? Kayla likes to consider a fourth: What’s happening that’s making me feel this way?
Personal trainers and the like are terrific—when they’re accessible. Unfortunately, individual counseling is still a rarity with CRAFT, despite its proven effectiveness. Allies in Recovery was created to bridge that gap. In this post, founder and CEO Dominique Simon-Levine outlines the many forms of training, education, and guidance that we offer on this website. We hope it helps you find the support you need.
In part 1, an Allies member discussed intimacy and its role in applying CRAFT in a romantic relationship. In part 2, she discusses how she’s handled issues related to kids, CRAFT, and talking to them about substance use disorder.
decostam’s 32-year-old son lives at home, and has succeeded in abstaining from opioid use for two years. Despite this huge accomplishment, he seems stuck in other aspects of his life. What should decostam ask of him at this stage? And just as importantly, how? Dominique Simon-Levine recommends a realistic, step-by-step approach to helping our Loved Ones move toward independence.
In the first of two episodes with an Allies member, our hosts discuss the member’s experience with her former husband, and issues of intimacy — how does it function as part of the CRAFT framework? Is it, should it be a reward?
Erica2727 has a husband who’s working hard on his recovery, but his place of work concerns her. She would like him to consider various options, but isn’t sure about how to talk over such matters with him. Allies’ writer Laurie MacDougall offers a guide to a vital distinction: on the one hand, what we can and should seek to control; and on the other, what we cannot, and don’t need to burden ourselves with attempting.
Just before change happens, things can get chaotic. It’s small differences over time – starting with you – that create big change.
The Dallas-based quartet often focuses on spiritual and gospel music, and like any truly gifted performers, they make even the most familiar classics sound and feel brand new. This time, they’ve chosen a song that never gets old, and one with a special resonance for many in our Allies community.
What can our children make of CRAFT? Allies’ writer Isabel Cooney has a powerful story to share—and some great thoughts for our community about opening a little window on the practice. As her experience suggests, CRAFT may have more to offer than a child or teen can truly take on. But young people may still benefit from an introduction to what the adults in their lives are trying to do.
The most effective way to help someone with substance use disorder? Helping the family. Learn to become a transformation agent.
With treatment and recovery, think progress, not perfection. Treatment is how you help them enjoy their lives again. Be part of that joy.
If you’ve been thinking that concerns about artificial intelligence are overblown, this story may change your mind. But as with many abuses of new technology, human greed also plays a role.
Offer pressure-free resources when your loved one chooses them, but know: having a loved one without a home is a triggering experience.
Fentanyl and other opioids are cutting lives short in numbers we’ve never seen before. Unfortunately, this health emergency hasn’t yet generated the national response we need. But there are some encouraging steps in the right direction—and among them are these new rules on access to methadone.
AIR sees the family as integral to the healing of the person with substance use disorder. It’s a way of thinking you can make your own.
Fentanyl and other opioids are cutting lives short in numbers we’ve never seen before. Unfortunately, this health emergency hasn’t yet generated the national response we need. But there are some encouraging steps in the right direction—and among them are these new rules on access to methadone.
CRAFT is often used in parent-child relationships, but its powerful tools work extremely well for couples. Learn why that’s true.
Danielle and her son have gone through a lot, individually and together. At Allies, we remember their years of struggle relating to his SUD. What joy, then, to receive this letter updating us on their situation. It’s the best news imaginable: Danielle’s son is clean and stable, and Danielle herself has widened the circle of support to others in need. Have a look at Danielle’s letter for yourself:
CRAFT skills are a life-long practice of learning about yourself, becoming part of your loved one’s treatment. There’s always more to learn.
Finding a health professional who truly understands eating disorders is no easy task. And for those who suffer from them, it can be just as hard to avoid the judgments and unhelpful comments of friends, family, or coworkers. This interview with one of the world’s leading experts on eating disorders takes a broom to those old and stigmatizing ideas. It also offers pointers for standing by a Loved One suffering from an eating disorder.
Member Klmaiuri’s daughter struggles with alcohol and cocaine use. She’s also been through rehab seven times. The cycle—use, treatment, partial recovery, return to use—can feel like a cycle that never ends. Is there a way to be supportive while put a (loving) wrench in the gears? Allies’ writer Laurie MacDougall says absolutely yes. But it takes a commitment to learning new skills, trying a new approach, and lots of practice.
Kathleen Cochran founded Heart of a Warrior Woman, for mothers of kids with substance use disorder. She supports many paths to recovery.
“Most of the world’s problems arise from a misunderstanding about parts and burdens,” Dr. Richard Schwartz asserts. In IFS, which he founded, the “parts” are our multiple internal selves, and the burdens are the trauma and wounds they try to manage on our behalf. The simple but radical proposition of IFS is that these multiple selves arise for good reasons and have a lot to offer—if we can help them change with the seasons of our lives.
Dave5656 is wondering if whether now is the time to let go. His daughter has stopped participating in treatment. She’s also moved back in with a boyfriend who uses drugs. Should he step back and let the chips fall where they may? Or should he break the silence and let her know she’s still loved? Allies writer Laurie MacDougall offers a clear and solid answer to this question.
Only get 15 minutes with a loved one? If they’re using, be specific with requests. If they aren’t, be patient, and stick to low stakes.
On Christmas Day, 2023, Allies Member stinkyvan1 wrote a letter of thanks and appreciation to our CEO and founder, Dominique Simon-Levine, who shared it with others on our team. The letter truly speaks for itself, and it put a smile on all our faces. We hope it brings some good cheer and inspiration to you as well.
If others aren’t using CRAFT, learn the tools. Put it into practice alone, and teach the tools when you can. Your work can still pay off.
Our sanctuary blog is often a place where you’ll find light, comfort, and tales of perseverance in the face of immense challenges. Today is no exception—but a warning: all of those familiar qualities are accompanied by one of the more vivid portraits of suffering we’ve shared with you.
This Discussion Blog post is a little different: a response to member Nohp’s question by way of a recent episode on our Coming Up For Air podcast. Nohp’s husband has struggled with alcohol for over a decade. Recently, when faced with the possibility of divorce, he entered a 30-day residential treatment program—and he doesn’t care for it much. After two weeks, he wants out. Nohp understands some of his concerns, but worries that he will start drinking again if he leaves. Our Allies podcast team has a message for her: Discomfort does not mean treatment is a mistake. Allies writer Isabel Cooney elaborates.
Behaviors matter more than whether you’re always right — learn to observe, step forward when it feels right, back when it feels off.
Tradition is (at least partly) about honoring the past, and holiday traditions are no exception. But some aspects of the past we’d rather just leave there. Others, even years later, can still make us long for resolution. Last year, Allies writer Isabel Cooney received a request from her ex-husband, who struggles with alcohol use, to be with her, their daughters, and Isabel’s parents over Christmas. Her reply, and the experiences that followed, gave Isabel a chance to reflect on all that she’s learned and tried to apply concerning CRAFT.
The “functional analysis” helps you examine times of use and move from reaction to making choices. Learn more at AIR’s site in Module 3.
New Mexico trainer Brian Serna focuses on making CRAFT an everyday practice, and how to help your loved one’s trajectory change over time.
Challenging emotions are natural, but that doesn’t make them easy to deal with. Our heavy feelings and ruminating thoughts can vastly complicate our efforts to support our Loved Ones. Allies’ member Nohp is trying to balance her husband’s treatment needs with feelings of guilt about past agreements between them. Laurie MacDougall offers some CRAFT-informed signposts through this forest of thought and feeling.
It’s an all-too-familiar refrain: our Loved One doesn’t like the treatment program and wants out. Sometimes the reasons may seem valid, perhaps even overwhelming. In the recovery house where Cowgirl’s son is living, the house manager recently overdosed and died. The situation is utterly heartbreaking, but does it mean that Cowgirl’s son should leave? Allies Director Dominique Simon-Levine cautions that no choice about changing treatment is free of risk.
We’ve all felt the push-and-pull of the holidays. One impulse is to hold so tightly to “the way we do things” that we try to stop time in its tracks. Another, when the holidays produce stress or challenges for a Loved One, is to turn away completely. Laurie MacDougall reflects that there’s often a loving path between these extremes—but that path requires reflective listening, validating our Loved One’s feelings, and acceptance that some things will change.
Learn OARS to communicate better – Offering to help, Open-ended questions, Owning your part; Affirmation; Reflective listening; Sandwiching.
You don’t need anyone to tell you that loneliness sucks. But did you know that it’s an all-but-out-of-control epidemic in the modern world, and that lives are shortened because of it? That’s the lamentable truth. But happily, as Dr. Jill Carnahan relates, the remedy is accessible to nearly everyone.
It’s a situation that occurs all too often: a Loved One enters detox when things get rough, but resists moving on from there to sustained treatment for substance use disorder. Often, they just want to come home—where continuing to use is easier than having to face the mountainous struggle of ending that use. It’s little wonder that such moments cause worry and anxiety. The good news is that we can take positive actions all the same. As Laurie MacDougall writes, these actions begin with calming and centering ourselves.
How do you hold tough conversations? Be careful with your timing; have a plan; stay calm. CRAFT can help you learn the signs of your loved one being receptive and give you the skills to communicate effectively in less-than-ideal circumstances. Kayla and Laurie offer the details.
They’re not a secret, and despite their 18th-century style uniforms, they’re not part of any military. But the discipline and focus of these 25 young men from Switzerland could put many an army marching band to shame.
Kathy4422 is facing some tough choices. Her son has just lost his license but is continuing to drive—on her insurance, in a car she owns. Does she step back and let him face the consequences of his choices? Does she intervene right away, and if so, how? Allies’ writer Laurie MacDougall points out that no one can make such decisions for us. But through seven thoughtful questions, she offers a guide to making them ourselves.
Reflective listening means listening while reflecting what your loved one says. Use curiosity, interest, and separation to do both at once.
No studio, no mixers, no lights, no amplifiers: when Cover Story Doo-Wop sings “Stand By Me” under the Bethesda Terrace arches in New York’s Central Park, it’s their talent and deep feeling that carry us away.
PIUS means “positive,” “I,” “understanding,” and “short, specific” statements. Here’s how to use it in tough moments.
A work of A work of artistic genius can feel immune to the passage of years. But for works meant to be performed, “timeless” does not Mean “static.” This stairwell recording of Schubert’s “Ave Maria,” by four gifted young Texans, imbues new life and grace into a song loved round the world.
Christina Dent of End It For Good discusses how being a foster mom led her to rethink her stance on drugs and the criminal justice system.
Many factors have combined to make recent years the deadliest in history for U.S. drug overdose deaths. At the same time, many policy responses, from bold to incremental, are on the negotiating table. Unfortunately, as this report from Politico explains, most of them are likely to stay there awhile. For now, in the absence of national leadership, it’s up to others to carry on.
Triggers – when you’re pulled into old reactions – happen. Learn to repair yourself, stopping the cycle to enable healing.
You’d be forgiven if ear acupuncture isn’t the first thing that comes to mind when talk turns to substance use disorder. Numerous studies, however, are documenting the efficacy of a specific procedure (the NADA protocol) for help with craving, withdrawal, and other aspects of addiction. As this article points out, however, the key to success with NADA lies in the details.
After time in a recovery house—and agreeing in writing not to use while living at home—Carolyn P.’s Loved One has moved in with her. Much has been going well, but now the accumulating signs leave little doubt: they’re using again. Carolyn P. has been working hard to apply CRAFT to her situation. She worries, though, that her “watchful silence” might be counterproductive. Laurie MacDougall brings her back to a key, if difficult, CRAFT fundamental: boundary setting.
How do you get past accumulated trauma with your loved one? It’s about breaking the cycles, stepping back, and letting new things happen.
Across four decades of work on issues of trauma, addiction, childhood development, stress, and illness, Dr. Gabor Maté has become an internationally recognized thinker, author, and public speaker. But his brilliance is only one side of the coin. The other side, evident in all his remarks, is profound compassion. In this TED talk, both qualities are on full display.
Residential rehab was a huge success for Highlander1’s grown son, but shortly after returning home the drinking started again. Now he’s taken off without a word and is refusing to be in touch. Naturally his parents are beside themselves. Allies’ writer Laurie MacDougall counsels them to start simply as they try to restore communications, to hone their own CRAFT skills—and to remind their son to focus on the success and not the setback.
How does “reflective listening” work? What are its benefits? Why does Kayla say she’d use it if someone were pointing a gun at her?
The research has taken three quarters of a century (and counting). But the findings are truly remarkable: pain and pleasure are naturally balanced in a healthy brain. Substances can drastically disrupt that balance, however. In the effort to restore it, our brains go into overdrive. Fortunately, we can help it along—and help ourselves at the same time.
Childhood trauma of any kind leaves its mark. Severe or sustained trauma generates certain telltale symptoms in survivors. Licensed therapist and life coach Patrick Teahan, himself a survivor of childhood trauma, breaks down three of the most prominent symptoms. By reaching a deeper understanding of what’s occurring inside us, he argues, we’re in a far better position to overcome the challenges that result.
Burnout: you’ve got nothing left but fatigue and anxiety. Take a real break to refill your tank in whatever way works best for you.
ChatGPT is not a living mind, let alone a therapist. It is, however, proving to be an immensely useful online assistant for people across the world. Little wonder that professionals and others are finding ways to apply its powers of information gathering and synthesis to the challenge of living with depression. This article offers one emotion expert’s tips on how ChatGPT and related technology might be able to shoulder a bit of that burden.
Allies member Allisonc77 has some reasons for optimism: her husband, who struggles with alcohol, has recently stopped drinking, and let his old drinking buddies know he doesn’t plan to drink anymore. What he does plan to do is continue to see his friends. Naturally enough, Allison’s concerned that social pressure could lead him back to alcohol. But her question for Allies concerns her own behavior: she wants to know how best to manage her anxiety. Laurie MacDougall walks her (and us) through the fundamentals of a CRAFT approach to this question.
Expectations about others set you up for disappointment. Focus on your values, then act accordingly. The outcome can be beautiful.
More than one quarter of U.S. adults report having been diagnosed with depression at some point in their lives. The disease makes life challenging in all kinds of ways, and relationships are no exception. For partners of those suffering depression, the inability to “fix” the other’s condition can be difficult and frustrating. But even though we can’t cure our partners’ depression, we can learn skills that strengthen our relationships and make them more fulfilling for both parties.
Did a positive comment cause use? You can’t know what your loved one’s feeling. Focus on you; don’t link your happiness to their status.
For decades, pediatric research has focused on negative childhood experiences (NCEs) and their effects on children’s wellbeing. Until recently, however, positive childhood experiences (PCEs) went mostly unstudied. Now that’s beginning to change, and the findings are encouraging to say the least.
Jimw’s wife has contended with alcohol use disorder for many years and has engaged with numerous treatment programs along the way. She’s unemployed, and family debts are piling up. In his letter to Allies, Jimw describes what she’s already tried, and asks what other resources might be out there. Laurie MacDougall responds with a detailed discussion of the many options and where CRAFT comes into the picture.
It was developed to help regulate blood sugar in diabetics and pre-diabetics. It’s widely (though unofficially) used for weight loss. Now semaglutide (brand name Ozempic) is showing promise for SUD sufferers as well.
It was developed to help regulate blood sugar in diabetics and pre-diabetics. It’s widely (though unofficially) used for weight loss. Now semaglutide (brand name Ozempic) is showing promise for SUD sufferers as well.
CRAFT offers tools to gain awareness of your own reactivity, notice what works for your loved one, and make choices to create real change.
A new report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reveals the unequal effects of the opioid crisis on Black, Native American, Hispanic, and white populations in the United States. Fentanyl deaths in particular have skyrocketed for all groups—but far more so in Black communities. Understanding the lasting effects of discrimination is essential, both for grasping the problem and seeking solutions.
When Sweets1997 and his family allowed their adult son access to their home while they were away, it was a simple act of love. They returned to a trashed home and missing belongings. It’s just the latest difficult chapter in an 11-year journey with their son’s addiction. But not all the signs are discouraging. Laurie MacDougall remarks on the points in this family’s favor, and explores in detail how focused listening and other communication skills can build a relationship of trust with our Loved Ones.
You’re in it for your loved one. But CRAFT wants you to change, to learn new tools. AIR offers vital support for change over time.
With “If It Be Your Will,” Leonard Cohen wrote a modern psalm. With her 2006 recording at the Sydney Opera House, Anohni flings open the doors on the song’s deep longing for grace.
Substance use disorder often occurs alongside other physical and mental health challenges, making a tough situation much harder and more complex. As frends2end knows all too well, finding care that takes our Loved One’s whole condition into account is one of the hardest aspects of such situations. That makes it doubly important to know the best strategies and options out there. Allies’ Dominique Simon-Levine shares some of her discoveries.
The end goal of CRAFT is treatment, but what does that mean, and what does it look like? In addition to more-expected forms, treatment is anything that engages your loved one, that provides meaning and helps them look at themselves. What’s our role in presenting these options when a loved one says they’re ready to hear them? Do the research and put together a treatment list for when that time comes.
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) affects nearly 6% of Americans at some point in their lives, but research, treatment, and support for the condition lags far behind other serious mental illnesses. Paula Tusiani-Eng and her parents know first-hand what it’s like to live with, and eventually lose, a loved one suffering from BPD. Their story is remarkable not just because of those challenges, but because of what they decided to do next.
Introduction CRAFT teaches us to be thoughtful, caring, and deliberate in the messages we send to our Loved Ones. But sometimes the message is best conveyed without words. When we set boundaries, we also have to help our Loved Ones understand that they’re for real. As Allies writer Laurie MacDougall discusses with Adrexpert, managing our own thoughts and feelings is a necessary precursor to this sort of work, and so much else.
How AIR began, and how it became a true community of family members helping others and refining CRAFT tools through experience.
Think you know what a Coldplay song sounds like? Think again. But the re-imagining of the song is just one of the surprises in store when you watch this moment from America’s Got Talent 2023.
Buprenorphine is a crucial medicine for many patients in treatment for opioid use disorder (OUD). But with the rise of deadly fentanyl, buprenorphine is becoming much harder to use effectively. That’s where another medicine, ketamine, is showing immense promise.
When your loved one is coming home, it’s time to collaborate and negotiate about expectations and plans. It’s important to hear what they think the consequences for certain actions or inaction should be, and to keep communicating openly over time.
Many of us know it from our own experience. Now there’s science to back it up: time in nature brings a host of benefits for our bodies, minds, and emotional wellbeing. This article from UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Magazine provides an overview of the latest research. Spoiler: it’s all good news.
Disengaging from a Loved One isn’t anyone’s idea of a good time. But doing so when they’re using is a basic (and proven) part of CRAFT—as is the opposite action, rewarding non-use. When a Loved One takes on the challenges that often attend the start of treatment, sticking to CRAFT techniques and principles is as vital as at any other moment. As Laurie MacDougall explains, the effort will likely be difficult, but it’s a key part of supporting them.
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