Success! Here’s What We Did That Worked:
plantgeek brings the basic steps of the CRAFT method into sharp focus with this account of their Loved One’s progress. Behind-the-scenes work, patience and a willingness to communicate in a new way paved the way for new possibilities. Their Loved One is engaged and happy, and has newfound purpose in his life.
I'm afraid to write this for fear of "jinxing" our situation, but this site helped spark monumental changes in my family, and we are all so thankful to Allies in Recovery. I have been seeking help for over a decade. My son simply could not function in the outside world with his pot addiction and binge drinking. I know people who function well on perpetual pot, but it had a huge effect on my adult son.
Here's how our lives transpired when I found this website. I followed the videos and cut down on my negative talk and waited for a "wish" or a "dip." I prepared what I would say when it came using the suggested template. I found a treatment center that I thought would resonate with him. I called them and let them know we were interested. I also asked them for tips on how to talk to my son. I knew it would not take long because he already had a lot of wishful thinking, though I was prepared to go 6-8 weeks. When the dip came in one week, I took a deep breath, followed my template, and my son agreed to look at the recovery center's website. Within 2 minutes my son said that he wanted to go.
My son is now in his 5th week of outpatient treatment. He loves the treatment center and said it is the most meaningful thing that has ever happened to him. He is helping others. I am filled with optimism.
I am so grateful to Allies in Recovery. Of course a huge part of this change in direction was that my son was ready. I knew that the window when he would agree to go to treatment would be very small and Allies helped me jump on it when he was ready. My son does not even remember the day he agreed.
The hardest part for me was waiting for my son to be ready – and of course the many relapses – and the 4 hospital stays for alcohol binges, and so much more. But waiting for them to be ready is excruciating. My heart goes out to other parents and people trying to get off their substances of choice. May you find help.
gptraveler adds to this success story with heartwarming updates on their Loved One’s progress…
That is wonderful news. I am so happy for you and yes I know the feeling of not wanting to jinx anything. AIR has really helped me to be the best advocate for my daughter who is also thrilled with her new life.
Like your son, she found engaging treatment in a good place to be a God send. She was also "ready." It did take us a year of practicing CRAFT before she really wanted change. After her 7 weeks of treatment she moved into a sober house with others from her recovery center. The community is strong and they help each other every day with tremendous success.
Last night she came to dinner with the family and said it was day 109 of sobriety and she has never been happier with herself and her life. Continued best wishes for your son's recovery. It's a gift for the whole family.
You guys make it sound easy! CRAFT provides the framework. It teaches you to look for openings, which we call wishes and dips (it makes my geeky-CRAFT self so happy to see how you used the language: “a wish or a dip” in your story.) Watching the Learning Modules is so important to seeing the big picture more clearly.
We celebrate the success you have shared with us. And we so appreciate the account you gave of what you did. This really is a beautiful “primer” for using CRAFT – an easily digestible summary. It highlights the essential changes we need to embrace as family members, and the awareness we need to cultivate. Thank you for writing this up, and for sharing it with us. It warms our hearts to hear how happy your Loved Ones are now that they are experiencing new dimensions and possibility in their lives.
CRAFT works. This site works. It has given you a gift. It has given us a gift to read this. May all your Loved Ones find recovery; may all of you find the hope and success that CRAFT can provide. Best wishes for a calm and loving holiday season.
A message from the Netherlands. I am an independent mother with a sweet but very addicted son of 28 years old who lives with me regularly because of the circumstances surrounding his addiction. For years I felt alone in this heavy trial and error process and hoped that from love and life and my reaction from the heart would be good. There was support from Al Anon, had a lot of help from Psychological help but insufficient experience with addiction problems. I have been a member of AIR for 3 weeks now and immediately notice that it works. I feel much more powerful and less insecure. No longer alone and well supported. Now 3 weeks since long difficult years, I am amazed and almost dare not believe that this will continue and help. Big thanks for your great work! It is a great gift for me and my son. All I can give back is where I can, whenever possible or necessary, I will work, collaborate and support others in recovery. With love D.
WOW, this makes us feel SO GOOD, Bimba!
We are simply thrilled for you and your son. If we could just take your message, and bottle it, and pass it out to the world, to all of the people feeling hopeless or alone or as if nothing they do will make a difference, we would do so immediately!
We continue to be here for you 24/7. Your offer of collaborating and sharing is of course of great interest to us, but for now, please give yourself and your son the gift of continuing your great work with the program. Keep up your self-care efforts, keep fine-tuning your CRAFT approach with your son. It’s all a work in progress.
We are standing with you and so glad you can feel you aren’t alone anymore. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Fingers crossed prayers said my son too has made remarkable strides this year and I am thankful for the support and tips and learning the CRAFT method. I prepared as well by finding a treatment center that used the CRAFT method and in my son’s case waited for the consequences(legal) to use as leverage-i.e. when his case finally came to court they would look more favorably on him if he had voluntarily already gone to treatment. I hoped they would and they did-he is on 5 years probation instead of possible jail or prison time which I feared would only alienate him further. Anyway was in treatment for 60 days- a very good sober house ( many are not good-choose carefully) combined with a therapy center that specializes in addictions. He came home afterward is working full time, testing this month for electricians apprenticeship. He got engaged over the holidays and he and his fiance are expecting our first grandchild in May. The two new parents to be are living with us -we have a big house and it works and preparing for their new roles. Recovery is an ongoing process for all of us as we let go of the past and look with hope to the future . Day by day we grow stronger and healthier together. I could have never predicted all the joys coming our way after so many hard confusing years. I am so thankful for this site and the ways it helped me walk through the dark times with hope and a road map out.
Congratulations on seeing the fruits of a process that includes relapses sometimes yet prepares me/us for our part in recovery. This is so good to hear. I am very happy to read this. Its very good for morale to hear real stories both of the excruciating pain(reminds us we’re never alone.)
I think I can address something important through the notion of “jinxing”…
I think an important part of recovery is knowing that at the end of the day that which doesn’t destroy us makes us better. This notion of “antifragility” is in a new book. Yet I don’t think I have to read it to understand the concept of walking on eggshells and treating a person in recovery as “fragile”. To me I realized this sends a message that “you are a fragile person and your serenity and sobriety is fragile”.
I’m not suggesting this is the case with the mention of “jinxing”. All I am suggesting is that I went through a phase of treating my LO as “fragile” until I realized it was sending a subtle message like I just described. I think LOs are geniuses at picking up the messages behind the emotions and beliefs we have.
I think it is very important to “believe” that at the end of the process the LO will help others and be a better person.
I think part of the process is believing also that my HP is in everyone and everywhere and to trust that there isn’t a way to “jinx” because the power of my HP is higher than any power to “jinx”. My HP isn’t “jinx able” nor fragile.
I’m not sure this helps anyone yet it helps me to not tip toe around and send a subtle message that my LO may pick up that conveys that my LO is delicate in that way or even fragile and on the brink of relapse maybe.
This is one thing I can control in myself. I want to be a consistent person with a consistent space around me where LOs can come and receive consistent love and persistent progress and convey messages of strength, hope and joy.
Easier said than done yet I think I needed to put this out there for both feedback and if it rings true and is an important perspective or attitude then I think it might help us all. Perhaps. Like this sharing of good news touches my heart. Thanks.
Thank you. It does ring true for me and it is freeing. I very much want to be positive and somehow got the idea that by being positive I have some control over their situation. How freeing it is for me to offer praise and encouragement in a more honest fashion. At the same time accepting that I do not have control over their recovery lets me take a breath and work on my own recovery.
Very good point on not viewing the situation of recovery as fragile. It is powerful to recognize I can be optimistic and expectant for the best. And that my LO can be strong and take care of his life. Not holding the reins so tight on him is allowing me to genuinely help instead of helping based on fear of relapse.
Great that this comment spoke to you, E320. We just today published a new post by Laurie MacDougall that really speaks to these ideas. Check it out here: https://alliesinrecovery.net/discussion_blog-my-loved-ones-early-recovery-is-triggering-me