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Should I Help With Therapy?

Hiker from Behind

help4t sees her Loved One making attempts to clean up some of her messes… But her mental health issues need real support that she still doesn’t have. Insurance is an obstacle… is it appropriate to help with this?

… As far as the meds go, I understood that but she had been off of meds for 30 days while she was detained. So I think she was OK there. Although she did fuss and scream at her appointment to try to get them. But he did not give in. Since she’s been out three weeks now, she’s had a couple of nights where she drank, but not to the extent that I’ve seen in the past. This past week she was very good, she got a job, went to her college and took incomplete in her classes. But the one thing she’s been unable to do is get help. She’s reached out or so she says to a few therapists and either because of her insurance situation she couldn’t get an appointment or they did not respond back. I think that’s the key she needs to work some sort of a program with therapy for her dual diagnosis. Until she does that she will continue to struggle. I have concerns with the new job she is a waitress at a high-end restaurant. This is a restaurant she had worked at when she first started college and although it’s strict as far as drinking on the premises etc. I’m not sure of the late hours etc. But she felt this was best for her now instead of having to learn a new business and putting herself in a situation that she wasn’t so familiar. She also indicated it would free up her morning so that she could get treatment. But that has yet to happen. She did also go back to the internship she had her a law office and they took her back as well. It is also a paid internship which is good for her. And ironically they are going to have her while working on a 2nd dui case.
Yesterday she did tell me that she was having impulses to do destructive things because she was feeling very impulsive and felt she was invincible. She said these are the urges she gets but she felt that by telling me and her best friend she could help control it. I told her I can’t help her with that. I never have been able to and that’s why she needs a therapist. I am not sure if I should go out and obtain her insurance for her mass health or cobra? And then find her a therapist and take her? Or is this enabling? I’m at a loss here. Will she follow through if she does it as opposed to if I do it?

Your daughter is working hard to pull her life back together. It’s good to hear your account. CRAFT never considers it to be enabling when family members help get their Loved One into treatment. Let it rip!

Don’t enable her use. But do enable her non-use and her efforts to get into treatment. So yes, it would be a great idea to figure out her insurance, find out who in your area is good with substances and mental illness… See who has space for new clients now, etc. Call and find out what she needs to make an appointment, who she would talk to, how to get around the dreaded phone tree. This is doing your part in removing the obstacles to treatment. Offer to drive her, and to take her out for ice cream afterwards. Go Go Go. Look into naltrexone and its monthly shot, Vivitrol, to discourage the drinking.

We absolutely agree with helping her get this kind of support. Just make sure that the conversations around the help you are offering are neutral, kind-hearted, and encouraging. We’d avoid any kind of nagging about it. If she is making good faith efforts, you can use that momentum to help her along with the insurance and appointments.

You’re doing well. The motivation she is showing is encouraging. Keep rewarding her for her non-use, and keep building that bridge. It’s great that she was candid with you about her impulses. This is all good progress. Let’s get set up with the therapy and give it some time. Thanks so much for sharing what’s going on with your family. Great work!



In your comments, please show respect for each other and do not give advice. Please consider that your choice of words has the power to reduce stigma and change opinions (ie, "person struggling with substance use" vs. "addict", "use" vs. "abuse"...)