She Reached Out for Help from Jail
Hoopmann1 shares news about getting her pregnant daughter out of jail and into treatment. It was a lot of behind-the-scenes work, and she invites people to contact her if they want to hear more. She learned a lot in the process.
Update: My daughter got arrested on a drug charge and was being held without bond. After 2 weeks in jail she asked me for help getting treatment.
She has been sober for over 3 weeks now and in a court ordered treatment facility. She will then go to a sober living house while undergoing intensive outpatient treatment. I feel relieved and thankful that the courts were willing to work with me on this. It took a lot of work though. About an hour a day during my work hours for over a week then 2 days off to finalize things and be on call to pick her up and take her to treatment.
I want to mention that I did not pay for a lawyer and her treatment will be at no cost to me. Most of it is paid by insurance and the rest she received financial aid due to her low income. She is now 7 months pregnant and will be facing about a year in jail. Her lawyer is working on options for her to serve time while being with her baby.
Inmates in jail really need advocates on the outside to make arrangements for these things. I did a lot of work to make it happen in a fairly timely manner. My daughter is lucky. A lot of people who are incarcerated don't have family to help.
If anyone has questions about the process, I would be happy to provide more detail about the experience. It was a learning curve.
Yes, having family to help with advocacy is critical. This is an unfortunate reality. Even with discharge plans from a treatment program, a release plan from jail, or a case management team situated at the exit door, a family member micro-managing the treatment engagement can be critical.
This is why Learning Module 8 provides all kinds of detail about treatment and teaches the family how to do a treatment intervention. We talk so much about making a treatment list early – this is a big reason why. The family has more information and knows their Loved One best.
You have done tremendous behind-the-scenes work to advocate for your daughter. It’s amazing that you were able to dedicate all of these hours. We applaud your work.
Your daughter and the baby now have a fighting chance, with the support systems you have made available to them. The possibilities available to them now are dramatically different than the options they had a few months ago.
We are so grateful – for this tireless work you did, for your patience and perseverance, and for your sharing all of this with the Allies community. We are so glad to hear about it. You deserve a huge round of applause, and a healthy dose of – ongoing – time to tend to yourself now that this next phase has opened up for your daughter. Don’t leave this part out. We encourage it wholeheartedly.
Thank you so much for writing in about your success. Advocacy is critical, and your success in working with the courts on this is inspiring. Your daughter and grandchild are very lucky to have you.
Sharing joy and hope: My daughter has now been sober since early October (nearly 4 months). She had her baby in November. My daughter, the baby and the baby’s father are living with us. They have been incredible parents. We have to remember to take it day by day and savor the joy of each moment. My daughter still has many legal hurdles to cross, but she is taking one at a time…sober…without getting overwhelmed. I tell her everyday that she is a wonderful mother. We have to separate the joy we are experiencing now from the addiction trauma of the past. We are all very hopeful that she will remain sober. She has so much to live for.
Goodness, so much can happen in a few months!! Thank you so very much Hoopmann1 for taking the time to update us all and share the beautiful news of your daughter’s giving birth, embracing being a mom to her child, and staying away from using! All such hopeful things indeed. We are here for you, we are thrilled for you. Your daughter is so lucky to have you there to keep reinforcing all of the positive steps she has taken.
My daughter has been sober for 6 months now. I’m wondering about next steps (setting boundaries regarding rent, chores and responsibilities around the house). We have been pretty lenient about these things as my daughter works on her sobriety, learns how to be a mother and works a part time job. My husband and I have expressed to her that we want her (and her boyfriend) to start paying rent starting in May. We’ve asked that they both step up in doing more chores in the house. My husband and I take care of our grandchild quite a bit and feel that they should give back by helping out more. We’ve been hesitant to enforce this strongly for fear of a relapse. I have been told by a counselor to give them an ultimatum to participate or move out. Things are going generally well and I’m not ready to do that. I don’t feel it’s right since so much progress has been made. We want to take it slow and support her sobriety. Are we enabling them to not grow up?
Thanks so much for your valuable question Hoopmann1, which most certainly is on the minds of many families dealing with addiction. This is especially relevant since the Covid19 pandemic has changed our routines, even our entire world in ways that could not have imagined.
It’s totally understandable that, having been so supportive for at least six months, you are now thinking about your daughter and her boyfriend contributing on a higher level. It is so important to take care of yourself, in addition to providing what you can to your daughter and grandchild. You have been doing a tremendous job. I’d give yourself ample credit for creating the space that you have for your family and for your daughter’s recovery.
Read guest contributor Patrick Doyle, LICSW’s full response to Hoopmann1 here: https://alliesinrecovery.net/discussion_blog-should-i-let-her-stay
Thank you for sharing this story. I agree with Dominique – your daughter and grandchild are very lucky to have you in their lives and I wish you all the best as you all move forward in this new phase.