Metering Out Rewards

I've gone back to watch Modules 6 & 8 again and I'm reminded of what you suggest here. There's a lot to take in, so re-watching the modules helps me to digest more each time.

Although I am clear on what stepping away looks like, what I heard from Module 6 this time, that I didn't before, it's okay to remind him that he can use things like the TV when he doesn't use. For example, when my son comes home after using, would I be applying CRAFT appropriately if I were to say, "I'm glad you're home safely. Feel free to use the TV when you haven't used."

We aren't ready to take away his phone because we want to be able to track where he is, especially since this new kid came into his life. Also, I'm able to communicate with him more through text since I don't see much of him. Read the full comment here.

You’re asking about items, such as the phone, internet access, or the tv, that can be useful as a reward for when your son isn’t high. These are rewards, absolutely. However, I wouldn’t get too tangled up in taking away things so that you can give them back in small doses.

I agree the phone is too important in your communication with him. You can think of the tv and internet as going with the house. As such they can be worked into the same lines you draw for the house, as in: “don’t come home if you’re stoned.”

Your son isn’t interested in looking at his drug use. Just remember that this can change in an instant. Keep doing what you’re doing.

I sense that an easygoing, light time, with you paying attention to him when he isn’t high, is an important reward that you can keep giving him.

It does sound like things are complicated, in part, because his drug use is a moving target. He has a new bad influence in his life, and this emboldens your son to shrug off school and perhaps increase or change up the drugs.

The family has put in place the principles of CRAFT….keep it up. The prepared talk we outlined in an earlier post may still may need to happen, but give it another solid month or so first.

It’s hard to imagine suggesting to your son that he move out. Several of our members  have had to ask a Loved One to leave, and you may find it helpful to read of their experiences with this in the meantime. Either way, if and when it comes to that, you can still give him time to work on a plan. He needs to know (if nothing changes at the end of 6 weeks or so) that this is the direction things are headed in. Don’t say this explicitly for now, just behave and communicate in a CRAFTy way. We’ll revisit the planned talk and the options that go along with those next steps in the near future.