He’s Not Really Living—How Can He Get Unstuck?

1delapisa desperately wishes her son would want to get help. Can she do anything for him?

"…I have a question. 30-yr-old son has never gone for therapy, he has admitted a drug issue, major depression past 3.5 yrs due to being dx with t1D at 26.. In the same period he has lost 4 well-paying jobs, everything he owned, friends and on and on. He is now in my house for the time being. Spent a yr w/his dad. Sleeps days absolutely away. I feel it was a pattern of being on suboxone or something he can snort to stay up all night and sleep all day(s). I desperately would like him to want to get help. Physically, mentally. He is stuck in this place in his life which is not really living. I have reached out to Naranon, Nami, Drug rehabs and definitely Jesus. I like this site. I guess I keep letting my guard down if he has one good day. Then it's always back to his norm of sleeping and not communicating."

Your son has type 1 diabetes and a substance issue. I am not trained to address the diabetes, except to say that lifestyle habits are important to its management. The diabetes adds to the importance of getting the substance problems in check.

Your son may be using drugs during the night, you aren’t sure, and is then sleeping away the day. I believe Allies in Recovery can help. There are many small changes you can make that can shape your son’s habits. Take a deep breath, and when you let it out, go to the eLearning Modules and start watching from the beginning. Ask your husband to do the same.

There are questions in Learning Module 3 that will help you sharpen your skills at observing your son. To the degree that it can be known, try and get an idea of his patterns of use and non-use. You want to match your behavior to his patterns. Learning Modules 5 and 6 describe how. When he has a good day, you step in and reward (Module 5); when he wakes from a day of sleeping and is headed for a night of drug use, you step away, allow natural consequences, and remove rewards (Module 6).

This is about what you can do, how you can change your behaviors and your communication (Module 4) in such a way as to shift your son’s habits. Try small things first. It’s work, but it is rewarding to the family too, when a small change that you make unblocks a situation that seemed unshakable before.

Welcome to the site. The modules lay out the CRAFT model that is well-studied and that others on this site have benefited from; the Discussion Blog helps you apply the CRAFT model to your situation. Write in often: when you’re stuck, when you see progress, when you need support. We are here.