He Finally Ended Up With a DUI

Cardinal44 reports on her Loved One's DUI … this was her greatest fear. But the lawyer they found is a no-nonsense guy, and hopefully this will be a push in the right direction. 

Well it happened….he got a DUI. No one was hurt, thank God. My greatest fear….
We have met with a lawyer and we are starting on the road to deal with it. We were blessed to stumble, really, I googled DUI lawyers near me, upon a lawyer who is in recovery. He is a “no bs” guy. Nothing my husband said or try to use as an excuse was ok.
I am looking, with trepidation, at this as a good first step. I think having his wings clipped, figuring out bus routes and rides, is the beginning of recovery.
Thank God no one was hurt….

Yes absolutely, we are all grateful no one was hurt from your husband’s drug use while driving.

It can absolutely be a good thing to get a DUI. As you say, his wings are clipped. DUIs can scare someone into realizing there may indeed be a problem. This can motivate someone into trying to curtail or abstain from the drug/alcohol use.

Our suggestion is that you let your husband manage the criminal charges. Let him talk with the attorney. Can you stay out of this as best you can?

This will help him take responsibility for the trouble he is in, as well as its solution. If the family quickly surrounds him with help and support, the DUI will appear less serious to him.

This is not to say you can’t talk to the attorney if possible. Let him know your husband is in trouble with alcohol/drugs and needs the court to mandate him to treatment if possible. Tell the attorney you are willing to help support all efforts at treatment.

Getting the law involved in your family is frightening. It is. I’d say let the DUI run its course with your husband at the helm. He will feel the weight of it much more that way. Hopefully it is the wake-up call he needs; time will tell. It sounds like a gift that you found the lawyer that you did.

While you let him continue to process his end of things, I’d try to shift the focus onto what you can control, which is your own behavior. Try to reign in your own worries and projections about the future. You want to be calm and open for whatever comes next. Keep practicing reflective listening; be prepared to offer your love and support when he is ready to open up. You must be tired from all of this; taking care of yourself should be a priority now. You don’t know how things will unfold from here, but as you say, this could mark a real shift for him. Thanks for writing in – please let us know how things unfold. We are always here to help.