Did My Comment Make Him Drink?

Dominique Simon September 22, 2023

Graphic Design by Lizabeth Laroche

A listener asks if her comment, meant to be positive, made her loved one drink. It’s dangerous to refer to someone’s status of using or not. Even if you’re trying to acknowledge them in a positive way, you can’t know what they’re thinking or feeling, and what might make them feel acknowledged or send them into feeling bad. How do you limit your talk to yourself in these circumstances? Focus on what you know – “I’m doing well; I’m feeling connected; I’m working on myself.” This avoids linking your happiness to their actions.

Dominique Simon

Dominique launched Allies in Recovery in 2003. Her work has been featured on HBO and NPR. She is a facilitator and a trained speaker on issues of addiction and the family. She has worked extensively developing and evaluating federally-funded substance abuse programs for organizations and clinics throughout Massachusetts and New York. With an interest in recovery and substance abuse that spans 20 years, she sees a huge need to help families develop the skills to help a loved one recover fully in a supportive, whole, and lasting way in their families and in their communities. Her mission is to have Allies in Recovery fill that gap.

What Are the Three Questions?

When you’re in the middle of crisis, feeling reactive or uncertain about what to do, use the “three questions” to helps create space and time and take the best action. What am I feeling? What can I do about it (think as broadly as possible)? What am I actually gonna do? Kayla likes to consider a fourth: What’s happening that’s making me feel this way?

Dominique Simon April 19, 2024

Graphic Design by Lizabeth Laroche

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