Become a member of Allies in Recovery and we’ll teach you how to intervene, communicate and guide your loved one toward treatment.Become a member of Allies in Recovery today.

“It’s Not About Me”: On Not Taking Things Personally

rredick June 1, 2022
0 Comments

What a strange wonder the human brain is: according to Frederik Imbo, it generates some 50,000 thoughts per day, but only 20% of those are positive. The remaining 80% dance in a ring of negativity around the bonfire of our fears, doubts, and self-criticism.

In this lively 18-minute TED talk, Imbo urges his listeners to practice shifting those thoughts away from “me” and toward “we”—away from the suspicion that others are laughing, criticizing, or resenting us and toward the more likely scenario that their behaviors have less (perhaps nothing) to do with us.

Refocusing on the other person’s intentions is often all that’s needed to reduce our negative feelings. But sometimes criticism hits a nerve. In those cases, it’s vital to show ourselves as much empathy as possible. Imbo explores strategies for that kind of affirmation in the second half of his talk. Check it out!

P.S. Estimates vary widely on the number of thoughts we have per day. Imbo’s figure may have come from this Stanford University study; others put the figure closer to 6000.

It can also be hard to determine exactly what constitutes a single thought. In any event, the brain is a busy place!

Tagged: , , , , , , , , , ,
Loading
rredick

Related Posts from "Sanctuary"

When Song, Faith, and Joy are Enough

The full name of the song is “Ndikhokhele Bawo,” which means “Lead me, Father” in Xhosa. These South African youths, assembled in their school’s courtyard, transform their place of learning into a concert hall with nothing more than the power of their voices. But it’s their spirit of joy and solidarity that lifts the beautiful into the realm of the sublime.

rredick April 30, 2024

Learning About Depression. And Fighting Back.

Forty percent of Americans will suffer a major depressive episode at some point in their lives. Five percent of the world’s population is suffering from it at any given time. It’s a disease that’s too often misunderstood—when it’s not overlooked entirely. Recovery writer Annie Highwater offers this primer on the many forms depression can take, and the variety of paths available for dealing with it.

annieunhooked April 23, 2024

IFS: Embracing and Listening to Our Multiple Selves

“Most of the world’s problems arise from a misunderstanding about parts and burdens,” Dr. Richard Schwartz asserts. In IFS, which he founded, the “parts” are our multiple internal selves, and the burdens are the trauma and wounds they try to manage on our behalf. The simple but radical proposition of IFS is that these multiple selves arise for good reasons and have a lot to offer—if we can help them change with the seasons of our lives.

rredick February 6, 2024

Dr. Gabor Maté: The Power of Addiction, the Addiction to Power

Across four decades of work on issues of trauma, addiction, childhood development, stress, and illness, Dr. Gabor Maté has become an internationally recognized thinker, author, and public speaker. But his brilliance is only one side of the coin. The other side, evident in all his remarks, is profound compassion. In this TED talk, both qualities are on full display.

rredick November 7, 2023

Using ChatGPT To Fight Depression: Some Creative Ideas

ChatGPT is not a living mind, let alone a therapist. It is, however, proving to be an immensely useful online assistant for people across the world. Little wonder that professionals and others are finding ways to apply its powers of information gathering and synthesis to the challenge of living with depression. This article offers one emotion expert’s tips on how ChatGPT and related technology might be able to shoulder a bit of that burden.

rredick October 24, 2023

Dating Someone With Depression: A Brief Guide

More than one quarter of U.S. adults report having been diagnosed with depression at some point in their lives. The disease makes life challenging in all kinds of ways, and relationships are no exception. For partners of those suffering depression, the inability to “fix” the other’s condition can be difficult and frustrating. But even though we can’t cure our partners’ depression, we can learn skills that strengthen our relationships and make them more fulfilling for both parties.

rredick September 26, 2023

Out of the Mouths of Babes (and Comedians)

Comedian DJ Pryor says that he’s always spoken to his children (even when they were toddlers) as if they could understand his every word. The approach seems to be working with 15-month-old Kingston, who holds detailed conversations with his dad. Sure, it’s in a language known only to the two of them, but that hasn’t stopped the world from being charmed.

rredick June 28, 2023
0 Comments

“I’m In Recovery, But I’m Not Recovered.” Jamie Lee Curtis Opens Up About Her Struggle With Opioids

“To call yourself an alcoholic or a drug addict is a badge of honor,” the actress says. Jamie Lee Curtis is one of Hollywood’s most well-known actresses, but for years she kept her struggle with opioid use a secret. In this brief but extremely candid interview, she describes her journey from heavy use to recovery, and the turning points that she credits with saving her life.

Dominique Simon March 1, 2023
0 Comments

“Lipstick and Cocaine”: In Kaz Hawkins’ Wrenching Song, Love Proves Stronger Than Both Hate and Addiction

“You can do this, you can do this. Just one more fight.” Northern Irish singer Kaz Hawkins had lived a long time with abuse when her then-partner slit her throat and left her for dead. “Lipstick and Cocaine,” the song she wrote in the aftermath of the incident, pulls no punches. And that makes the tale of survival and recovery it sketches all the more powering.

rredick December 14, 2022
0 Comments

Combatting That Morning Dread: Brené Brown on Courage, Vulnerability, Empathy and Self-Worth

“Don’t walk through the world looking for evidence that you don’t belong, because you’ll always find it.” Professor Brené Brown delivers a powerful statement about the nature of courage, and how it can’t exist without an embrace of uncertainty and vulnerability. At the same time, she makes a passionate case for self-affirmation. Her message is one of challenge, promise, and hope.

Dominique Simon July 13, 2022
0 Comments
poppies

An Invitation to Freedom by Jack Kornfield

Have you found that there are certain thoughts or sensations or feelings that keep coming back when you meditate? This thoughtful piece by invites us to consider that those "stuck places" may require a bit of additional attention, a slightly different approach than we'd use with  the usual "train of thoughts". Even if you're a beginner in the realm of meditation, this short piece is worth the detour.

isabel March 5, 2021
0 Comments
tiny desk laraaji

Prepare to Be Calmed

"Prepare to be calmed. It begins with a small bell, a set of tiny wind chimes and a plucked, angelic zither sounding much like a harp. As I watched, I could feel my breath letting go; my muscles were less tense. Then Laraaji began to laugh. I smiled. (His laugh is infectious).

isabel February 23, 2021
0 Comments
Love Offering 2

Love Offering, Josefina H. Sanders

"Be gentle with your healing, be unapologetic with your rest, be considerate of your energy and give yourself grace in the process." Let Josefina H. Sanders guide you through self-love and compassion through her simple yet powerful words of wisdom. From one healing individual to another. 

mg December 16, 2020
0 Comments
Melissa Etheridge

Heal Me: Melissa Etheridge Sings for Her Son

Melissa Etheridge recorded this concert in her home studio on June 20 of 2020. The main goal of doing the concert, entitled "Heal Me," she explains, was just that — to further the healing process after her devastating loss. Tune in for a moving performance and some meaningful talk in between songs about what families go through. 

isabel August 13, 2020
0 Comments
Sanctuary - Long Distance Chorus Elementary School nytimes

Long-Distance Chorus

Just trying to manage on a day-to-day basis, and keeping up my fully virtual job for Allies, was plenty for me during France's shutdown. I got my news from my poly-sci major kid.  So when I logged on to newyorktimes.com this morning, I was thrilled to avoid the news by clicking on this absolute jewel. It's America in all its diverse, talented and open-heart glory.

isabel June 27, 2020
0 Comments
SANCTUARY fears & vulnerability - hug

fears & vulnerability

Accepting vulnerability and admitting our fears … Asking for help … Letting someone hold us in our darkest moments … Stefan Weiner's song, Fearful Lullaby, speaks of these human needs. What does it mean to embrace vulnerability?

isabel December 4, 2019
0 Comments
Sanctuary - Brodie Welch

To the Voice in Your Head that Says Otherwise

Self-Care has been on my mind, not just because it's an important focus here for Allies in Recovery families. But also because I tend to push Self-Care to the bottom of my to-do list. Which basically translates to: I'm too busy to take care of me. Brodie Welch (who knows a few things about the subject) has whipped up a very important document that we should ALL take a minute to ponder.

isabel November 10, 2019
0 Comments
SANCTUARY - Change - butterfly 2

Can You Become a Model of Change?

The Authors of Beyond Addiction remind us: "Be yourself, but be as willing to change as you want your loved one to be." Have you experienced a ripple effect with your Loved One? Have you seen relief and change in the family dynamic when you have shifted your focus away from their problems and towards improving your own self-care? We'd love to hear from members on this topic.

isabel July 9, 2019
0 Comments
SANCTUARY-seaweed thumbnail

Seaside Meditation

There is something healing about the place where the ocean meets the sand. In this short video, I encourage you to put down what is heavy, even if just for a few moments. Come stand at the edge of the sea …

isabel June 21, 2019
0 Comments
Sanctuary-Brandie Love

Up the Mountain

X-factor judges praised Brandie Love, a 21-year-old orthodontist assistant, for her sincerity, and the way she allowed the music to "set her free".  Incidentally, her voice isn't bad to listen to either! 

isabel November 6, 2018
0 Comments
Worry-woman with mug

Does Worrying Prove I Love You?

What's the antidote to worry? Where does it show up in your body? How is it connected to love? Can worry ever be helpful? When does worrying cross the line and become destructive, or self-destructive? What does Allies in Recovery have to offer when worrying about your Loved One is taking over your thoughts?

isabel September 14, 2018
0 Comments
Sanctuary - Jumpin' Jive

Jumpin’ Jive!

Fred Astaire said this was "‘the greatest dancing he had ever seen on film". We hope you'll find this to be 5 uplifting minutes of joyful entertainment. Take a tiny break from the heavy stuff and let the joie de vivre of these performers carry you. 

isabel June 26, 2018
0 Comments
SANCTUARY: lennon and maisy

I Won’t Give Up

I have ultimate admiration for families learning and practicing the CRAFT method with their addicted Loved Ones. To me this song is not only beautiful and harmonious, but also beautifully encompasses the spirit of CRAFT, and the labor of love it requires. 

isabel May 30, 2018
0 Comments
sanctuary-shadows

Finding Gratitude in the Shadows

How well can you separate the illness of addiction from the person you love? Can you find the light of their humanity when their shadow side is staring you in the face? What if you could shift your catastrophic thinking? Could compassion change the destructive dynamic in your relationship?

chaucer-2 July 12, 2017
0 Comments

LEAVE A COMMENT / ASK A QUESTION

In your comments, please show respect for each other and do not give advice. Please consider that your choice of words has the power to reduce stigma and change opinions (ie, "person struggling with substance use" vs. "addict", "use" vs. "abuse"...)

Report

Harassment or bullying behavior
Contains mature or sensitive content
Contains misleading or false information
Contains abusive or derogatory content
Contains spam, fake content or potential malware

Block Member?

Please confirm you want to block this member.

You will no longer be able to:

  • See blocked member's posts
  • Mention this member in posts
  • Invite this member to groups
  • Message this member
  • Add this member as a connection

Please note: This action will also remove this member from your connections and send a report to the site admin. Please allow a few minutes for this process to complete.

Report

You have already reported this .