A listener writes in to ask what to do when there’s only 15 minutes a day to talk to a loved one. How do you use that limited time? If they’re using, you have to focus on the brief moments when you find they’re not and be very specific in your requests so that they’re do-able. If they aren’t using, be patient, invite them to do things in a low-stakes way, and don’t push conversation beyond the immediate.
What’s the impact of emotions on how we interact with loved ones? Learn to acknowledge, claim, and identify your emotions. Don’t discuss anything when you’re reactive. Instead, pause, check in with your feelings, and don’t take things personally. Have a strategy that’s not confrontational or accusing, but engaging. Calm your system and engage in a way that you can feel good about. Hopefully this will reverberate with your loved one and create change over time.
When the noise dissipates and there’s clarity, that’s an “ah-ha moment.” You can move forward in a different way. You might even find new commitment to a way of thinking or behaving that you didn’t have access to before. Allies in Recovery uses CRAFT to give you the tool set for your own ah-ha moments, but also to help create the conditions for your loved one to find their own moments and possibilities for long-term change.
When you’re in the middle of crisis, feeling reactive or uncertain about what to do, use the “three questions” to helps create space and time and take the best action. What am I feeling? What can I do about it (think as broadly as possible)? What am I actually gonna do? Kayla likes to consider a fourth: What’s happening that’s making me feel this way?
In part 1, an Allies member discussed intimacy and its role in applying CRAFT in a romantic relationship. In part 2, she discusses how she’s handled issues related to kids, CRAFT, and talking to them about substance use disorder.
In the first of two episodes with an Allies member, our hosts discuss the member’s experience with her former husband, and issues of intimacy — how does it function as part of the CRAFT framework? Is it, should it be a reward?
Just before change happens, things can get chaotic. It’s small differences over time – starting with you – that create big change.
The most effective way to help someone with substance use disorder? Helping the family. Learn to become a transformation agent.
With treatment and recovery, think progress, not perfection. Treatment is how you help them enjoy their lives again. Be part of that joy.
Offer pressure-free resources when your loved one chooses them, but know: having a loved one without a home is a triggering experience.
AIR sees the family as integral to the healing of the person with substance use disorder. It’s a way of thinking you can make your own.
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