Dating Someone With Depression: A Brief Guide

rredick September 26, 2023

Photo credit: Josh Hild

More than one quarter of U.S. adults report having been diagnosed with depression at some point in their lives. The disease makes life challenging in all kinds of ways, and relationships are no exception. For partners of those suffering depression, the inability to “fix” the other’s condition can be difficult and frustrating. But even though we can’t cure our partners’ depression, we can learn skills that strengthen our relationships and make them more fulfilling for both parties.

Depression is one of the most common forms of mental illness in the United States. Romantic relationships with those who suffer from depression can be hard: we don’t enjoy watching our Loved Ones suffer, and we don’t have the power to make the depression go away. At the same time, just ignoring the illness is out of the question. As Caitlin Cantor (licensed social work, certified sex therapist, and psychotherapist) explains in this article from Psychology Today, “depression has a loud and convincing voice that dominates the minds of those who suffer from it.” It can also weigh heavily on the minds and hearts of those who care for them.

If we can’t “fix” our partner’s depression, what can we do? Cantor offers five concrete tips: maintain the balance between self-care and caring for your partner, learn how to support them in their suffering, focus on the positive, practice compassion, and learn new ways of communicating with your partner. She elaborates on each of these just enough to show the reader where to start investing thought, effort, and hope for a new direction. There’s also a great model conversation between a suffering partner and a one not suffering from depression, illustrating how support, compassion, and self-care can (and really must) coexist in such relationships.

This is wise and useful guidance for anyone who cares for someone with depression—whether the relationship’s just getting started or has lasted for decades.

rredick

When Song, Faith, and Joy are Enough

The full name of the song is “Ndikhokhele Bawo,” which means “Lead me, Father” in Xhosa. These South African youths, assembled in their school’s courtyard, transform their place of learning into a concert hall with nothing more than the power of their voices. But it’s their spirit of joy and solidarity that lifts the beautiful into the realm of the sublime.

rredick April 30, 2024

Learning About Depression. And Fighting Back.

Forty percent of Americans will suffer a major depressive episode at some point in their lives. Five percent of the world’s population is suffering from it at any given time. It’s a disease that’s too often misunderstood—when it’s not overlooked entirely. Recovery writer Annie Highwater offers this primer on the many forms depression can take, and the variety of paths available for dealing with it.

annieunhooked April 23, 2024

King’s Return Encore: “Amazing Grace” Acapella

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rredick March 26, 2024

IFS: Embracing and Listening to Our Multiple Selves

“Most of the world’s problems arise from a misunderstanding about parts and burdens,” Dr. Richard Schwartz asserts. In IFS, which he founded, the “parts” are our multiple internal selves, and the burdens are the trauma and wounds they try to manage on our behalf. The simple but radical proposition of IFS is that these multiple selves arise for good reasons and have a lot to offer—if we can help them change with the seasons of our lives.

rredick February 6, 2024

“Hi Ren” Brings the Inner Demons out in the Open

Our sanctuary blog is often a place where you’ll find light, comfort, and tales of perseverance in the face of immense challenges. Today is no exception—but a warning: all of those familiar qualities are accompanied by one of the more vivid portraits of suffering we’ve shared with you.

rredick January 23, 2024

Loneliness Is an Epidemic. Love Is the Closest Thing We Have to a Cure.

You don’t need anyone to tell you that loneliness sucks. But did you know that it’s an all-but-out-of-control epidemic in the modern world, and that lives are shortened because of it? That’s the lamentable truth. But happily, as Dr. Jill Carnahan relates, the remedy is accessible to nearly everyone.

rredick December 19, 2023

Top Secret Drum Corps: The Pursuit of Perfection, and Fun

They’re not a secret, and despite their 18th-century style uniforms, they’re not part of any military. But the discipline and focus of these 25 young men from Switzerland could put many an army marching band to shame.

rredick December 12, 2023

As Real As It Gets: Stand By Me In Central Park

No studio, no mixers, no lights, no amplifiers: when Cover Story Doo-Wop sings “Stand By Me” under the Bethesda Terrace arches in New York’s Central Park, it’s their talent and deep feeling that carry us away.

rredick December 5, 2023

“Ave Maria” Acapella: The Sublime In a Stairwell

A work of A work of artistic genius can feel immune to the passage of years. But for works meant to be performed, “timeless” does not Mean “static.” This stairwell recording of Schubert’s “Ave Maria,” by four gifted young Texans, imbues new life and grace into a song loved round the world.

rredick November 28, 2023

Dr. Gabor Maté: The Power of Addiction, the Addiction to Power

Across four decades of work on issues of trauma, addiction, childhood development, stress, and illness, Dr. Gabor Maté has become an internationally recognized thinker, author, and public speaker. But his brilliance is only one side of the coin. The other side, evident in all his remarks, is profound compassion. In this TED talk, both qualities are on full display.

rredick November 7, 2023

Photo credit: Josh Hild

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