I Wish I Could Hire Someone to Help Her Handle Life

A member is dismayed by how hard her daughter is struggling despite her recovery. She’s got so much on her plate with drug testing OCC appointments, outstanding bills etc. that she’s trying to keep up with. Her whole life just seems to be total chaos.

This post originally appeared on our Member Site blog, where experts respond to members’ questions and concerns. To learn more about membership, see our Membership Benefits page.

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It’s been three months since I’ve updated and a lot has gone on. My daughter secured her own apartment about a half an hour away and we helped her get in financially. Now that she’s there, she’s finding it overwhelming. Also, she doesn’t feel safe there at night, and they require her to go 3 days/week making it impossible for her to work, not to mention the cost getting back-and-forth. She wants me to go to probation with her to see if she can change it back to just drug testing and counseling/therapy.

She has also been unable to secure a full-time job. She’s been able to keep her part-time gigs but nothing permanent, so she’s getting very discouraged. I suspect this has to do with the fact that if you Google her you see her DUIs and other arrests. I am not sure how people get around this. She does have many years of good employment and is able to get great references. She just has so much on her plate with drug testing OCC appointments, volunteering which is required, outstanding bills she’s trying to keep up with.

Dominique Simon-Levine reassures this mother that things often fall apart in early recovery. Patience

You poor dears. It must feel like there is no net.

The state of Massachusetts has been training recovery coaches. Some are in recovery, others are not. I’ve known a handful of people who have been through the training and said it was good and thorough. Recovery coaches can help with daily living, as well as with early recovery from addiction. Do an internet search: recovery coaches Massachusetts. Ask about grant-supported or state-supported coaches. They should be less expensive. Also check with insurance. I believe that some carriers are reimbursing for coaching in some areas of the country.

Often things do fall apart after you’re abstinent, in that early part of recovery. Your eyes are clearing and you see the bills all piled up in the corner; driving is out of the question, and on it goes. (Read more about this fragile early recovery period)

Is your daughter attending self-help of any kind?

There is often levity and humor in meetings. Lots of stories like your daughter’s. Lots of people juggling multiple messes. Look for a young peoples’ meeting.

Having a record and having it affect your employability is a real problem. Seeing your name in the paper must just be awful. Can you keep up what you are spending to keep your daughter housed for a while longer? She might thrive better doing volunteer work full-time, attending self-help, and taking a break from employment hunting for a couple or three months. Add in a recovery coach and together this may lower the fear and apprehension you are describing and give her a firmer recovery base from which to launch herself.

We continue to root for your daughter! Thank you for continuing to think about the best-adapted help you can be giving her.

Since 2003, Allies in Recovery has addressed substance use in families by providing a method for the family to change the conversation about addiction. We use Community Reinforcement & Family Training (CRAFT), a proven approach that helps the family unblock and advance the relationship towards sobriety and recovery and to engage a loved one into treatment. Learn about member benefits by following this link.

About the Author - Dominique Simon-Levine

About the Author - Dominique Simon-Levine

Dominique launched Allies in Recovery in 2003. Her work has been featured on HBO and NPR. She is a facilitator and a trained speaker on issues of addiction and the family. She has worked extensively developing and evaluating federally-funded substance abuse programs for organizations and clinics throughout Massachusetts and New York. With an interest in recovery and substance abuse that spans 20 years, she sees a huge need to help families develop the skills that will help a loved one recover fully in a supportive, whole, and lasting way in their families and in their communities. Her mission is to have Allies in Recovery fill that gap.

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