The Allies in Recovery Blog

Reaching Level 10 Stress…and Stepping Away

Reaching Level 10 Stress…and Stepping Away

The long-term stress I experienced caused me to become very forgetful, hasty in my decisions, confused and socially awkward. I also noticed that during that time of my life I became very clumsy. It became obvious to me that I was heading for a crash if I didn’t get ahead of my stress. I knew I had to develop different responses. I knew that I didn’t want addiction, terror and chaos calling the shots anymore.

Is Your Hope at the Mercy of Others?

Is Your Hope at the Mercy of Others?

Through recovery work, I have learned to stop expecting people to be different and to reduce the frustration that comes from trying to cause a person to get better, or trying to mold them into how I think they should be (even if it’s reasonable). When I put these demands and expectations down, I can love people for who they actually are.

You Oughta Be Ashamed of Yourself!

You Oughta Be Ashamed of Yourself!

Positive reinforcement, as basic and childlike as that sounds, is a motivating force for progress. Speaking to someone’s goodness despite their wrong choices unlocks their worth. “You’re not a bad person, you’re just headed in a bad direction.” Or maybe “You shouldn’t be ashamed of yourself, maybe just aware of faulty patterns so you can choose different ones.” That’s a great way to start motivating someone. Versus, “I told you so, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.”

You Are a Reward

You Are a Reward

You might be grumbling. You might be accusing, guilting or complaining. Or trying desperately to prevent them from going out. You might be brooding in a cold silence. This might be hard to believe, but your presence and your conversation, however negative, are something your loved one counts on, and expects from you.

What I Did to Get Better

What I Did to Get Better

If I’m out at a party at a friend’s house, staying present in the party, in the moment, and enjoying every single moment with them, because that’s where I’m at right now … [this] helped me to have some joy and love right then, in that moment …

Who Should Pay for Sober Housing?

Who Should Pay for Sober Housing?

Treatment doesn’t see its role as helping the newly sober person to manage financially. They rarely ask the question, “So where is the job?” … “How is this person going to pay for the sober house?” … “How is this person going to get to their appointments?” They certainly don’t see their role as providing inpatient treatment until such time as the person is financially stable.

What Happens If Sober Housing Doesn’t Work Out?

What Happens If Sober Housing Doesn’t Work Out?

In order to start anew with the process of sobriety, a resident who has relapsed should be sent to a more intensive level of treatment (for example: clinical stabilization services or CSS in Massachusetts), but too often nothing is available and the only option is detox. Here is some useful information for pursuing the next level of treatment.

If You’ve Got Pen & Paper, You’ve Got Power

If You’ve Got Pen & Paper, You’ve Got Power

A number of studies have shown that writing regularly in a journal can improve both mental and physical health. The best way to care for your loved one is to care for yourself, and devoting time to writing and self-evaluation is a key part of Allies in Recovery’s program. Here are some tips for making the most of the tools offered on our member site.

From Pot to Kratom, He’s Always Using Something

Are You Willing to Change?

Our role as the family member of a struggling loved one is not limited to doing things for them. What we do for our own well-being (physical, mental, spiritual … ) will create a ripple effect that brings relief and much needed change, within us and all around us.

Can You Practice Letting Go of Shame?

Can You Practice Letting Go of Shame?

Shame is a human emotion, meaning we all experience it. It has even been suggested that it is the most primitive of all emotions, dating back to our origins as humans. Shame, however, is toxic in large amounts, and many of us find ourselves stuck in that leaky boat. Understanding how shame works is the first step in preparing to conquer it.

Practicing Forgiveness With A Loved One

Practicing Forgiveness With A Loved One

If you have an addicted loved one in your life and are currently struggling with desperation, anger, and other difficult emotions, I would like you to take a minute to think about forgiveness. Forgiving someone, especially someone whose behavior evokes very painful emotions in you, can create a very beneficial release. (read more…)

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