You might be grumbling. You might be accusing, guilting or complaining. Or trying desperately to prevent them from going out. You might be brooding in a cold silence. This might be hard to believe, but your presence and your conversation, however negative, are something your loved one counts on, and expects from you.
Treatment doesn’t see its role as helping the newly sober person to manage financially. They rarely ask the question, "So where is the job?” ... “How is this person going to pay for the sober house?” ... “How is this person going to get to their appointments?” They certainly don’t see their role as providing inpatient treatment until such time as the person is financially stable.
It is critical that you, as your addicted loved one's ally, understand that you can’t create motivation. And it is equally critical that you know there is something you can do!
What a relief when a loved one agrees to go into treatment. But right behind this relief there may follow several nagging thoughts: What’s next? What if it doesn’t work? Please don’t let him come home……
Here are 7 ideas for creating the ideal home environment for your adult child in recovery. While supporting them in this phase, establish very clear boundaries. While you can provide a comfortable environment for them, try to make it something that you can easily revoke, should they begin using again.
When your loved one is using drugs almost continuously, there are few opportunities to reward non-use. You are right about this. You are also correct in not rewarding moments of withdrawal, that period you describe when your son first gets up and is agitated and verbally abusive.
An Allies in Recovery member recently shared the story of her adult son who lives "out of reach" in another state with his addiction, mental illness to the point of suicidal tendencies, credit debt, etc. In this post, we explore whether the CRAFT principles can be applied at a distance.
Your Monday evening dinners are a great example of setting the stage for “coaxing the little scared animal out of the woods.” The hard part with this coaxing, and as you describe with that dinner, is this overwhelming urge as a parent to force your way into the woods, by getting heavy and asking your son about his hidden life.
A central question to ask yourself is this: is the car supporting non-use, by keeping your loved one working, or has it become an important source of money for drugs and for a bailout when they get him in trouble?
Everyone who had an addiction problem and managed to stop, started out by putting hours of non-using together to equal ONE DAY. What made that day so different? A negative consequence usually lights the flame.....