This mother called the police when her addicted daughter stole her car. Now her daughter is in jail and furious, blaming her parents. What next?
Recovery is a bumpy process and relapse is very often part of it. Sticking with the CRAFT approach will help your loved one reach their goal of continuous sobriety.
When setting firm boundaries and maintaining them, so often it feels like 'Tough Love' that may backfire and lead to a worse situation. Using the CRAFT approach, one's influence is more 'Smart Love' with real results.
When drugs and alcohol take over, the family is drawn into the needs of the addiction, blamed when resources come up short, attacked when they refuse to provide the "help" requested. It is so hard to know what to do or what "helping" looks like. Come out of the gray area and learn how to respond to your Loved One's addiction.
A mother doesn't know what she should do when one of her sons asks for money and cigarettes while in treatment. He claims he can only get through this with smokes. Is this a reasonable request after all that has happened?
When your loved one is high all day long, without ever seeming to sober up, it might seem impossible to reach them and have any influence on their behavior. The CRAFT method lays out three steps to take.
When an addicted loved one is exhibiting increasingly alarming behavior, first of all, don't take it personally. Remember, it is not directed at you. This, unfortunately, the face of addiction.
You might be grumbling. You might be accusing, guilting or complaining. Or trying desperately to prevent them from going out. You might be brooding in a cold silence. This might be hard to believe, but your presence and your conversation, however negative, are something your loved one counts on, and expects from you.
Treatment doesn’t see its role as helping the newly sober person to manage financially. They rarely ask the question, "So where is the job?” ... “How is this person going to pay for the sober house?” ... “How is this person going to get to their appointments?” They certainly don’t see their role as providing inpatient treatment until such time as the person is financially stable.
It is critical that you, as your addicted loved one's ally, understand that you can’t create motivation. And it is equally critical that you know there is something you can do!